


Betrayal: A Reylo FanFiction

by KCMarsala



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Dark Side Rey, F/M, Jedi, Romance, Sith, Torture, glamour
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-19
Updated: 2018-01-25
Packaged: 2019-03-06 20:14:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 29,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13418814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KCMarsala/pseuds/KCMarsala
Summary: Told entirely from Rey's point of view, this story directly follows the events of "Star Wars: The Last Jedi." Unable to control the Force bond that connects them, Ben and Rey attempt to deal with a situation neither wanted to start but which neither wants to end. No sooner do they agree to abandon the galactic war together than the war catches up with them, leading them into new dangers and a path toward the Dark Side...





	1. It's Not Over

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, everyone! So, I have become completely obsessed with Reylo since seeing "The Last Jedi," and I just couldn't not write this story! I know I'm late to the game since I totally didn't get the whole Reylo thing after "The Force Awakens," but I hope diehard Reylo fans won't hold that against me! I would love to hear what you think of my writing and my ideas, so please feel free to leave any and all comments, both positive and negative. I look forward to hearing from you!!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey struggles with her emotions and Ben tries to take advantage of the Force bond.

She felt the unmistakable sensation come over her, a stillness and weight in the air that alerted her to his presence.  She also felt his surprise, mirroring her own.  Snoke had admitted his part in creating this connection between them.  Clearly Ben had assumed, as she had, that meant it would occur no more in the wake of his demise.

She didn’t want to see him, but she couldn’t stop her eyes seeking out his.  She didn’t want to recall the intensity of his presence in her mind and at her side as they struck down Snoke’s Praetorian guard together.  She didn’t want to recall the deep betrayal she'd felt as he held his hand out to her, tempting her not only with his words but also with his very essence.  She didn’t want to recall that her puny influence had proven vastly insufficient to the task of bringing him back to the Light, of resolving the deep conflict she felt within him with every pulse of her heartbeat.  But she recalled all of this as she gazed sorrowfully into his eyes.

She didn’t know what had happened here on Crait, hadn't had a chance yet to find out, but she could see in his eyes things had not gone according to his plan.  As relieved as she was by that, knowing his failure meant the rescue of the last remnants of the Resistance, she also inexplicably grieved for him, her heart aching for his pain.  And yet, at the same time, she chastised herself for that instinct toward compassion.  She’d thought she understood him, thought she knew his path, and, indeed, for a time when they’d fought together, her impression had seemed to be confirmed.  Perhaps that was why she’d felt so betrayed when he’d turned to her, suggesting she join him in ruling the galaxy.  And it was that which primarily occupied her mind as she gazed down upon him crouched below her.  She had seen first-hand the toxicity of his ambition and knew it was something she could not endure.

Dully, almost without consciousness, Rey slid her hand across the doorway and pressed the button to raise the  _Falcon_ ’s gangplank.  She watched as it slowly wiped Ben from her sight, and she turned resolutely away.  She abruptly halted after her first step though, feeling his presence quickly fading, and she sighed deeply, burdened by the weight of a loss she could barely understand.

Turning her mind to the matter at hand, she hurried to the cockpit, knowing Chewie was probably wondering where she was.  Leia was there and the two old friends had already determined a course.  Climbing nimbly into the pilot’s seat over the general, Rey completely absorbed her mind in the task of flying the ship.  That didn’t take too much time, though, since she and Chewie were careful to set a course that kept the planet between the  _Falcon_  and the First Order fleet.  They jumped into hyperspace without conflict, and Rey felt a small but definite twinge of regret as she realized she was leaving Ben behind.

Shaking the errant thought from her mind irritably, Rey extracted herself from the seat, muttering an excuse about checking on Finn.  It was an honest concern.  After all, she hadn’t seen him since Starkiller Base and was anxious to put her worries over his condition to rest once and for all.  But, if she was being completely honest with herself as she hurried toward the interior of the ship, she knew it was more that she didn’t want to be around people who had once known and cared for Ben.  It was just too much for her right now.

Finding both Finn and BB-8 in the lounge, Rey was also delighted to finally meet the little droid’s master and Resistance pilot extraordinaire, Poe Dameron.  She smiled warmly at him, genuinely pleased to meet him, then turned her focus entirely on Finn.  Before long, though, she felt the smile stale and dissolve from her face.  She was grateful that Finn’s attention was on his friend Rose in that moment, and she ducked her face away from them, hoping they wouldn’t notice.  At the same time, she tried to look surreptitiously around the crowded space.  The sudden weight and stillness of the air and the accompanying shallowing of sound alerted her to the fact that he was here, but she couldn’t find him right away.  When she finally did, she wished she hadn’t.  He was a silent, brooding presence, watching her intently from across the room.  His scrutiny made her feel as though she were on display, and she didn’t like the attention in the least.

“Rey!  Did you hear me?”

Her head jerked around to Finn in surprise, but she couldn’t keep her eyes from darting back to Ben, attempting to ascertain whether or not he could see or hear anyone else here with her.

“Huh?  What?”

“I asked if you knew how long it would take us to get to Diaima?”

This time, she was unable to suppress her reaction, and her face turned fully toward her enemy across the room.  Had he heard Finn?  Did he now know their destination?  Had she, however inadvertently, compromised the safety of what was left of the Resistance?  He had not moved a muscle and merely continued to stare at her intently, and she quickly determined a test for him.

“It’s a long way to Silendr,” she told Finn, naming another planet in as opposite a direction from their actual destination as she could.  “But it shouldn't take too long. "

She felt her heart plummet as Ben’s expression changed and she heard him bark out imperiously, “Set a course for Silendr, immediately!”

Suppressing a sigh, she turned away from him and back to Finn, who was already in the midst of attempting to clarify their destination.  It shouldn’t surprise her that Ben would leap at any chance to wipe out the Resistance, but it did nevertheless depress her.  How had she been so very, very wrong about him?

“Silendr?  I thought we were going to Diaima?”

Rey nodded to Finn, knowing she couldn’t say anything more without either confusing Finn or tipping off Ben.

“I’m not feeling well,” she told them both instead.  “I need to go lay down…”

She turned away, unable to stop her shoulders from drooping as she ignored Finn’s concern over her departure.  That Ben hadn’t reacted to Finn speaking of Diaima but did when she mentioned Silendr alerted her to the important fact that he could only hear her and not those around her.  As she looked back over her shoulder before leaving the gathering space, she saw him following her, his body overlapping with those of the crowd as he passed through them without notice.  It seemed not only was he entirely unaware of all those people, but they had no idea of his presence either.  She turned away with a little nod, satisfied with the results of her test, but she came up short and looked back again when his voice came to her as though he stood beside her rather than with dozens of intervening, chattering people.

“Wait,” he barked out, and she looked at him expectantly.  “You know I can hear you.”

She frowned, uncertain whether or not his soft murmuring was meant for her.  When he turned to his side and spoke in a commanding voice again, she understood he had muttered to himself beneath his breath.

“Take us out of hyperspace and set a course opposite to Silendr.”

Rey bowed her head and left the room, catching a glimpse of Finn watching her closely with concern in his eyes as she did so.  And she attempted not to flinch violently when Ben’s furious shout rang out behind her.

“I don’t have coordinates!  Set a course n—”

The connection between them closed so abruptly that Rey stumbled and a small cry escaped her throat as the extra weight lifted from the air around her.  He was gone, she knew that without even looking back.  But now she felt certain she would see him again and didn’t have any idea of how to handle that.


	2. Forced Interaction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben pops in on Rey when she just wants to cry...

Diaima was a small, barren planet in the Outer Rim that she had never heard of before.  It was a desolate place with nearly constant solar winds and flares that made the surface habitable only for short stretches of time.  The rocky consistency of the planet’s surface, though, was ideal for digging, and a vast network of subterranean caves and tunnels housed its population. 

The Resistance had come here, landing the  _Falcon_  on the thin hope that one of Leia’s diplomatic contacts might be willing to help them, rather than immediately notify the First Order to come and wipe them all out.  It had been a tense few days, the several dozen remaining members of the Resistance on high alert for any sign of deception or cause for concern until, at last, Leia returned with the news that they were to occupy an abandoned machinery factory.  There were no ships or equipment there, but at least there was ample space and shelter for the  _Falcon_  and its occupants to escape detection from the First Order’s long-range scans.  It wasn’t ideal, but at least it was more than they’d had several days ago.  And it would give them a base from which to go about the task of rebuilding their forces.

Even with the severely depleted numbers, private bunk space was at a premium, and Rey quickly found she was considerably more comfortable in the  _Falcon_.  It was eerie there deep in the night cycle, the bright instrument lights penetrating otherwise shadowy darkness, and the silence deep and heavy in contrast to both the mechanical and corporeal commotions that had always reigned whenever she’d been in the ship before.  Now, sitting on the admittedly small but comfortable bunk in the ship’s lounge, Rey found herself staring wide eyed into the shadows, imagining the ghosts that inhabited this space.  Luke and Han in particular occupied her thoughts, knowing how prominently this ship figured in both their legends.  And, perhaps for the first time, she found herself at leisure to truly mourn the loss of both these men whom she sensed could have been so very important in her life, if only they hadn’t been taken from her so soon.  Fathers.  That’s what Ben had accused her of searching for in each of them, an effort to fulfill a void left by her own parents’ absence.  And it occurred to her now for the first time that it was he who had robbed her of each of them.

“Rey…”

She shrieked and scrambled back into the corner of the bunk in alarm at the intrusion.  She had been so preoccupied with the outpouring of her grief that she hadn’t noticed the distinctive thickening in the air until after his voice had intruded upon her.  And now, much to her dismay, Ben stood before her, watching as she attempted to both stem the flow of her tears and wipe the evidence of their existence from her cheeks.

“Go away, Ben,” she moaned, turning her back to him and refusing to give him the satisfaction of witnessing her misery.

“What happened?” he said, and she sensed him taking a step or two closer to her.

“You happened!” she cried out, the floodgates of her anger suddenly releasing the torrent of her emotions.  “You are bent on destroying everything I care about and breaking my—”

She stopped herself just in time, before admitting the calamity he’d caused her heart when he’d asked her to join him in ruling the galaxy.  She had sprung to her feet, rounding on him with what intent she did not know.  Having come to her senses, though, she merely glared up at him, standing only inches from him, as his dark gaze studied her intently.

“Breaking your what?” he asked, his voice low, harsh, and yet somehow tender at the same time.

She stared, mesmerized by his gaze a moment longer, then broke away, muttering “Spirit” in answer to his inquiry.  She retreated wearily to her bunk, pulling the solitary blanket over her huddled form as she closed her eyes and attempted to shut him out of her consciousness.  She could feel him there, his own distinct presence in addition to the changes in sound and air that accompanied this strange connection they evidently shared through the Force.  But she couldn’t seem to do anything about it, couldn’t close it off or move it in any way.  It was as if his presence was an immutable part of her, which was, of course, a distinctly terrifying thought.

“Why can’t you just go away?” she moaned into her knees.

“I don’t know.  I’ve been trying, but I can’t seem to control when this starts or ends.”  He hesitated, then, “I suppose you can’t either?”

She shook her head.  He stared at her a moment longer, then turned aside.

“Well, I guess we just ignore one another until it ends.”

She nodded her assent, and watched with curiosity as he turned his back to her and settled down on what she presumed to be a bed.  It was a very odd sight, since she could see nothing of his surroundings and his image was instead superimposed upon her own locale.  To her surprise, a soft chuckle escaped her lips, and Ben immediately turned to her inquisitively.

“You,” she offered by way of explanation with an imprecise wave of her hand.  “Your feet are on a game table and the rest of you is suspended in mid air.”

He nodded and a very small quirk at the corner of his mouth may have been something of a fleeting smile.  “You’re sitting in my sink.”

A sharp chuff of laughter escaped her throat and she buried her face in her knees, feeling as though she somehow betrayed the memory of Han Solo by sharing a moment of levity with his murderer.

“The game table,” he said then, his voice taking on an odd quality.

Rey lifted her face to peer at him curiously.  Although the space was dim, she seemed to have no trouble seeing him, and she instantly noticed the expression of dark caution on his face.

“Is it round?”

She frowned, surprised by the question.  He sighed and sat upright when she nodded, twisting to face her.

“There’s an instrument panel here,” he said, extending his left hand out to his side.  “And you’re in the bunk beside the galley.  I practically grew up on the  _Falcon_ ,” he explained in bitter tones when she looked stunned.

Rey leaned forward in surprise, crossing her legs beneath her.  She was intrigued, never having considered the fact that Ben had once been a little boy, running around his daddy’s ship.

“I used to hide in the cabinet behind the game table bench.”

Rey’s eyes were drawn toward the bench in question, and she couldn’t imagine what he described.  It must have been many, many years since he’d been able to fit in so small a space.

“Hide?” she asked.  “Why?”

He shrugged.  “Games.  Playing with my father.”

She couldn’t suppress the smile that pulled at her mouth.  “So you weren’t always so angry.”

He looked away sharply, that ubiquitous rage simmering just beneath his surface once again.

“It has been a long time since I’ve done anything positive with my father.”

“Except murder him,” Rey couldn’t help but interject bitterly.

“Yes,” Ben stated resolutely, rising with fury to his feet and pacing energetically.  “Exactly.  Killing Han Solo was a  _very_  positive thing.”

“He loved you,” Rey objected, her own ire rising to match Ben’s as she stood to confront him hotly.  “He never stopped believing in you!”

“And that was his downfall!”

“You really  _are_  a monster!” Rey cried, staring defiantly up at him, clenching her fists against striking out at him.

“Perhaps,” he conceded, his tone suddenly cold and impervious.  “But I think we can agree I knew him better than you.”

She fumed impotently at him.  She desperately wanted to contest his assertion, to argue that he hadn’t known his father at all.  But the absurdity of it struck her silent, forcing her to recognize how little she could have known Han Solo after spending so little time in his presence.

“Isn’t it time for you to be leaving?” she snarled at him after several heartbeats, during which they both stared in mute rage at one another.

“You’re the one invading  _my_  space.”

A vicious glimmer in his eye had her immediately reassessing his words.  Yes, it was true that, from his perspective, she was probably every bit as incongruous in his surroundings as he was in hers.  But there was another level of meaning there too since this was  _his_  father’s ship,  _his_  childhood stomping ground, not hers.  It made her suddenly and distinctly uncomfortable in a space wherein she’d only ever felt she belonged, less alone.  And it forced her to recognize that she truly was the intruder here, still outside, still alone.  To her horror, her eyes filled with hot, stinging tears.

“I hate you,” she growled low in her throat, overcome by the thoughts and emotions he forced upon her.

A flash of surprise crossed his features, but then his eyes narrowed in malicious satisfaction.  Unable to endure his smug attitude a moment longer, Rey balled up her fist and swung out at him as hard as she could.  But, in that same instant, an audible  _pop_  echoed through the still space as the bond broke and her fist connected only with the suddenly thinner air in which Ben had just been standing.  She cried out in fury and despair and sorrow, collapsing to the floor as she wailed out her misery.


	3. Compromising Circumstances

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Naked Kylo Ren... Who could resist? (And why would they want to?)

Rey smiled as Finn approached, hoping without any measure of confidence that she might convince him she was fine.  She didn’t have access to a proper mirror, but a passing glance in a reflective surface had shown her that the rough stinging that lingered in her eyes did indeed translate to a distinct redness that would surely belie even the most convincing of smiles.  She took a deep breath and bowed her face into her steaming bowl, shifting her hopeless hoping to wishing that he would just pass her by like everyone else had so far this morning.  No such luck: he didn’t even stop to get his bland, runny breakfast before sitting down next to her.

“You don’t look good,” he said with his trademark straightforwardness.  “What’s wrong with you?”

But before she could toss a sarcastic  _thanks_  in his direction, the air suddenly grew heavy around her and she reacted violently, standing with such sudden vigor that she overturned her steaming bowl of slop and nearly tripped over the bench as she attempted to extricate herself from the trestle table.

“Again?” she shouted in angry frustration as she turned to see Ben standing across the room.

Just as quickly, she stifled a sharp bark of surprise and sat back down with her back to him.  She couldn’t be sure, what with all the intervening people, but she thought he was naked.  At least she knew he was from the waist up.  Glancing back over her shoulder, she saw he too had turned away from her.  A momentary shifting in just the right combination revealed just enough to see that he was indeed bare from head to foot.  She turned again quickly, holding a fist to her mouth in a concerted effort to stifle an embarrassed giggle.  And only then did her eyes lift back to Finn.

“Rey…?”

She cleared her throat and dropped her fist, attempting to compose herself.

“Yes, Finn?”

“What’s wrong with you?” he asked again, though Rey couldn’t help but realize he asked with a very different subtext than the first time.

“Um…”

She twisted to look behind her again, and found Ben — hastily covered by some garment that managed to leave more of him exposed than she was particularly comfortable with — raging at her far more viciously than she’d ever seen him.

“Turn around!” he bellowed imperiously, and she obeyed instantly.

“Rey!”

She looked up at Finn and watched as he peered past her and, evidently not finding anything of interest, back at her in confusion.  Well, if she’d still needed any confirmation that she was the only one who could see him, she supposed this was it.

“You’re not alone, are you?”

She lifted her face at the sound of Ben’s voice, but remained with her back to him, hoping that, should their positions be reversed at some point, he might exhibit the same measure of decorum.  And suddenly she paled, realizing such a distinct possibility meant she couldn’t enjoy bathing ever again.

“ _Are_  you?” he shouted at her when she failed to answer swiftly enough.

“No,” she answered hastily, sensing not only his rising anger but also his approach behind her.  “That’s correct.”

“What’s correct?” Finn demanded at the same time Ben wanted to know, “Does anyone else see me?”

“No,” she answered again while stifling a laugh, “definitely not.”

“Rey…  I don’t understand.”

She looked up at Finn, sobering quickly as she wondered how to address him.  But she paled again when she felt the heat of Ben’s body close next to her, and heard his voice whispering menacingly in her ear.

“You can’t tell anyone you’re talking to me.  No one will trust you, and that’s even  _if_  they believe you.”

She swallowed anxiously, then told both Finn and Ben, “I know.”

“What’s going on with you, Rey?” Finn asked, concern suffusing his voice.

She shifted uncomfortably in her seat, distinctly aware of Ben so close and warm and unclothed next to her.

“I haven’t been sleeping well,” she told him, trying to move away from Ben without giving Finn any further cause for confusion or concern.  “Nightmares.”

She turned her face slightly toward Ben, hoping he would get the message that he was included in that categorization of what was ailing her.  And she couldn’t resist the urge to give him another message.

“I just need some space.  Of my own.”

Both Finn and Ben were quiet at that.  Ben withdrew a little, and Finn leaned back away from her, nodding.  She buried her face in her hands, hating to see how she had just hurt her friend.  And then, mercifully, the Force connection closed and Ben disappeared from her side.  Rey sighed deeply, collapsing further onto the table until she realized it was still covered in gruel.  She sighed again and, seeing no immediate alternative, proceeded to scrape what she could from the table and back into the bowl with the side of her hand.

“Rey, I’m worried about you.”

She looked up at Finn and nodded slightly.  Truth be told, she was worried about herself, too.  She looked up at him, feeling weary and sad and forlorn.  She longed to confide in him, to explain everything and ask his advice on how to deal with all of this that was so far beyond her capacity.  But Ben’s words echoed in her mind.   _You can’t tell anyone you’re talking to me_...

“I don’t know what I’m doing, Finn.”

The magnitude of the words she spoke struck her, and her eyes filled with tears.  Finn reached out and covered her hand with his.

“None of us do, Rey.  We just have to do what we feel is right.  It’s all we can do.”

She nodded, and looked down at the mess she had created, both of the table and of her friendship with Finn.

“I value you more than I can tell you, Finn.”

He blinked in surprise and she cleared her throat, nervous that she had said too much.  But it was true.  He was her first friend, the one who had risked everything to rescue her from the First Order at the Starkiller Base…from Kylo Ren.  And now, though she appeared to be in no physical danger, she sensed she needed rescuing from him yet again.  But he couldn’t do it this time.  She couldn’t ask that of him.  She needed to figure this out for herself.

“I’m so tired.  I need to try to get some sleep.”

She stood and looked at her hands, covered in slop, and suddenly felt that she might collapse into tears again.  She looked around, anxious to figure out how to clean this up, and then some kind soul who noticed her predicament appeared at her side, handing her a damp cloth and setting about cleaning the table for her.  Rey wiped her hands as well as she could and set the cloth in the bowl.  She looked up at Finn who had risen with her and smiled weakly.

“Talk to me, Rey,” Finn pleaded with her.  “Let me help you.”

She nodded, looking down at her hands once more, wishing with all her heart that she could.

“I’m alright,” she told him, managing to lie convincingly well, she thought.  “I just need some sleep.”

And with a brief hug for her dearest friend, she went to do just that.


	4. Accidents Happen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey gets injured, and Ben doesn't like it one bit.

The next days went by quickly, filled with activity.  Leia had asked Rey if she would be willing to teach staff combat to anyone who wished to learn, and she had taken to giving lessons as frequently as she could.  Not only did it give her something to focus on, but she figured spending as much time as possible practicing combat could only be an advantage.  Besides, if Ben popped in on her while she was teaching, she was reasonably certain she could refrain from either handing out rebel secrets or actually engaging with him at all until the connection closed and he left her in peace yet again.  It was a decent plan, she thought, but something — whether Ben, fate, the Force, or something else, she still didn’t know — evidently felt otherwise.  It had been four days, and she had seen or heard nothing of Ben since he’d appeared naked in the mess hall.

When she wasn’t teaching combat, she spent all her time pouring over the Jedi texts, searching desperately for answers.  The problem was that the texts, what little of them she could understand, were written with no discernible organization.  Historical information appeared alongside descriptions of Force-sensitive creatures and dire warnings against self-indulgence and autarchy without rhyme or reason and, try as she might, she could find nothing about cross-galaxy communication.  At some point, she wondered if what she was experiencing reflected what Master Luke had done on Crait, soon realizing that her circumstances were limited to herself and Ben, whereas everyone had seen the Jedi Master make a fool of the First Order's Supreme Leader.    But it didn't matter because, as far as she could tell from these texts, neither of these things seemed to exist.  Still, she read and read, hoping and rationalizing that eventually she might come across something that would tell her how to control this bond that she wanted nothing to do with.

Finally, during her first lesson on the fifth day, as she knew it would eventually, it happened.  She was in the middle of sparring with her most advanced student when the air thickened and her ears felt as though they were suddenly stuffed with gauze.  Startled by the sudden change, she overcompensated for the increased weight in the air and missed her opponent completely, the momentum of her movement throwing her into an uncontrolled spin that landed her on the floor.  To make matters worse, her opponent’s move, already set in motion before Ben’s appearance, ended up connecting her temple with his staff.  A dull  _uff_  escaped her as she fell to her side, dazed by the blow.  She knew she’d been struck on the tail end of the swing, when most of its energy had already dissipated, but clearly Ben had no such context, seeing only that she’d been struck down.  She felt him at her side instantly, the heat of his body crouched next to her as his hand waved in an arc above her.  She felt the ripples in the Force as he attempted to push her unseen assailant away from her, but his effort proved utterly ineffective.  Instead of her sparring partner being thrust back into the wall with bone-crushing force, Mathis knelt down beside her, concern etched in his eyes as he apologized profusely for whacking his teacher in the head.

“It’s okay,” she told both her student and Ben.  “I’m okay.  It happens in training.”

She sat up, planting her hand squarely against Ben’s chest and pushing him forcibly back when he failed to move quickly enough for her taste.  She felt more than saw him fall away from her, and she looked up at Mathis, wondering if her gesture had appeared strange to him.

“I thought you were under attack,” Ben objected behind her as she pressed a palm to her throbbing head.

“Wouldn’t you know?” she muttered bitterly under her breath.

Mathis responded with a confused “I’m sorry, Master?” but Ben remained silent and she knew her message had been received.  If she had been under attack, surely it would have been at his command.  And the fact that he didn't know meant the secret of the Resistance’s location was intact.

Rey looked up at her confused student and shook her head.  “I’ve asked you repeatedly not to call me that, Mathis.  I’m no Master.”

“You are to me.”

She smiled lopsidedly at the underlying devotion his words conveyed, and accepted his help in gaining her feet.  She looked up at the ring of concerned faces focused on her — including Ben’s — and squeezed her eyes shut against the pain.  Glancing at her palm, she saw she was indeed bleeding a little and she impatiently pulled the sleeve of her tunic down to cover her palm and pressed it against her head.

“So,” she stated firmly, determined to make a lesson out of this fiasco.  “What did I do wrong?”

“Forgot to duck,” someone quipped right away, eliciting a round of light chuckling.

“Yes, indeed,” she agreed with a slight laugh.  “What else?”

“You lost your balance.”

“You lost control.”

“You weren’t focused.”

She stopped with this last one, her eyes meeting Mathis’s with a nod.  She'd thought she managed to handle the shift in her reality with Ben’s appearance adequately, but evidently her opponent had still noticed her distraction.  Her eyes flickered toward Ben, wondering how long these damnable connections would occur and what either of them could possibly do to bring them to an end.

“All of this is true,” she told her students.  “But the last is the cause, the others only the consequence.  Along with a killer headache,” she added with a rueful smile.

Her students chuckled anew.

“I’m afraid that’s all for today,” she announced with genuine regret.  “Mathis, please inform Commander Dameron I’m indisposed.”

“Do you need help?”

She considered his words then and took a few experimental steps, thrusting her hand out to stabilize herself against the wall when she stumbled a little.  Checking her makeshift bandage, she saw she was bleeding more than she’d thought.  Nevertheless, she patted Mathis comfortingly on his shoulder.

“No,” she told him, “I’ll be alright.  I just need to lay down for a bit.”

Mathis nodded and withdrew obsequiously, but Ben advanced as she made her first few steps toward the doorway.

“You shouldn’t be alone,” he told her harshly.  “And you shouldn’t sleep.”

“I’m not alone,” she rasped grimly, hoping only he could hear.  “I’ve got you.”

Ben’s steps faltered, her words evidently surprising him.  She continued walking, though, wanting nothing more than to reach silence and solitude.  Clearly it was not to be, though, because Ben caught up with her a moment later.

“That’s not good enough,” he insisted, following her down the corridor.  “I’m not there.  I can’t get you help if you need it.”

She stopped and turned, coming to stand bare inches from him and looking up defiantly into his face.

“Careful, Ben Solo,” she whispered, her voice low and soft, only for him.  “Or I might think you care.”

Something in his intense gaze suddenly shifted, and the ineffable quality of his expression held her immobile, her breath suspended.  She’d meant her words to be snide, but having pitched her voice in such a way as to minimize the chance of being overheard by unseen ears in the passageway, they had emerged far more intimate than she’d intended.  Her heart beat heavy in her chest as she stood transfixed by his intense but inscrutable gaze.  For the first time, she noticed the depthlessness of his dark brown eyes, and felt as though she were lost in them.  Without her awareness, her hand fell from her head as the world began to spin.  As if in slow motion, she felt the warm strength of his hand against her back as he eased her gently to the floor.  Her heartbeat both quickened and slowed as darkness encroached from the edges of her vision and a strange, tingling coolness came over her head like a wave.

“Rey…  Rey!”

She blinked furiously and swatted her hand in front of her face, attempting to clear a sharp scent that stung her nostrils.  She felt someone catch her wrist, and she jerked against his hold, instinct instructing her to fight for her freedom at all costs.

“Rey!  Stop!”

She blinked again then, and finally her eyes focused.  She watched at Poe looked up from her and told someone beyond her sight, “Let’s get her to the med bay.”

“No,” she protested, desperate to be around fewer people, not more.  “I’m okay.”

“You’re not, Rey,” he countered insistently.  “Mathis told me what happened, and he said he thought you took a harder hit than you realized.”

“I don’t need med bay, Poe, alright?” she continued to protest, all the while scanning the sea of faces around her, looking for Ben.

She couldn’t tell if the heavy air and muffled sounds that accompanied his presence were fact, or rather just the effects of her muddled head.  But she’d seen something strange, something almost alarming in his eyes.  And it suddenly felt overwhelmingly important that she understand what it had been.

Determined to prove her soundness of body, she climbed to her feet, but the black coolness she’d experienced before returned swiftly and her eyes rolled back in her head.  For a moment, she was falling, then flying as Poe caught her in his arms and, with no further consultation, carried her to the med bay himself.

Rey sensed a small entourage accompanying him, but she still couldn’t tell if Ben was among them.  She clung to Poe, finally and reluctantly acceding that she was in no condition to be on her own.  She hated that her collapse had garnered so much attention, and moaned outwardly when she was met in med bay by none other than General Organa herself.  Then, an instant after seeing her, she saw Ben.  He was focused on her, following her progress as Poe carried her to a bed then gently lay her down upon it.  Absently, she realized just how odd she must appear to him, floating through the air apparently of her own volition.  He came to her side quickly and placed his hand against her forehead.  She closed her eyes and leaned into his palm, inexplicably craving his warmth, before meeting his gaze once again.  But then he blinked in surprise and looked directly across her to Leia, who appeared on Rey’s other side.

“Mother,” she heard Ben murmur softly, and Rey looked quickly to Leia.

For her part, the General was entirely unaware of her son’s presence.  Meeting her gaze and knowing she’d be able to pass off anything she said in this moment as an effect of her head wound, Rey spoke deliberately in a slurred manner.

“You see?”

Leia frowned, telling Rey she didn’t understand, but Ben responded, knowing her question was for him.

“No,” he answered, his voice soft.  “But I can sense her.  I always can.”

“O-nee?”

Even though she stared right at her, Rey ignored Leia’s confused response, but instead focused on Ben’s voice as he worked through her meaning.

“Only?  Only I can sense her, not the other way around?”

Rey nodded, wondering absently what she had just agreed to from Leia’s perspective since she herself hadn’t been paying attention to that particular aspect of her split existence.

“She can, at times,” Ben answered.  “When she’s concentrating, or trying, I think.”

Rey wondered for a moment if she should say something to make the general think of her son, whether or not that would be a welcome moment for either of them.  But Ben quickly dispelled that idea.

“Don’t mention me,” he commanded swiftly, only as an afterthought tempering his words with a sheepish, “Please.”

Rey nodded, then immediately wondered not only why she should honor his request, but also why it had occurred to her to offer any sort of a boon to him in the first place.  Why should she care if Ben did or did not want to make some level of superficial contact with his estranged mother?  She could only assume Mathis really had hit her head harder than she’d realized.

“I think you’re right,” she slurred, ostensibly to Leia but in reality to her son, “I shouldn’t be alone.”

“You’re safe here.”

Rey smiled, her barely expressed chuckle setting her head to throbbing painfully.  It was the oddest thing, mother and son using the same words at the same time, each one unaware of the other’s contribution.  But when she opened her eyes again, she found Leia focused not on Rey but above her, across her, her expression one of profound sorrow.  Turning her head slightly, Rey saw Ben moving swiftly back, away from his mother.  Leia shook her head, and returned her focus to Rey.

“You can rest here,” the general told her.  “The med droids will monitor you and keep you safe.”

Rey nodded, grateful for the intervention since it had become quite apparent that she couldn’t be trusted not to pass out.  In fact, she closed her eyes and felt the weariness encroaching even now.  She turned her head and found Ben, standing at the far side of the med bay, watching her silently and attentively.

_Stay_ , she wanted to say to him, but knew she couldn’t without making someone else think she’d lost it.

_As long as I can_.

Her heart leaped inside her chest and an insistent beeping alerted the entire room to the effect her own private specter had just had on her.  She’d heard his voice despite that she’d been watching and knew he had not spoken.  And it meant that he’d heard her thought as clearly as she’d heard his.  She closed her eyes, uncertain what exactly this development meant for her, but she was simply too weary to care at the moment.  She felt sleep reaching inexorably for her, but she also thought she felt a finger stroke her cheek gently, accompanied by a whisper of breath that said  _I’m here_.

 

 


	5. Jealousy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, it turns out Ben doesn't like competition...!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for your encouraging comments and kudos!!!

Rey opened her eyes easily.  She felt refreshed and ready to wake.  Her head still throbbed a little, but it wasn’t nearly as overwhelming as it had been before.

“Are you alone?”

She recognized Ben’s voice immediately and carefully raised her head to ascertain the answer.  As soon as she did, she found Poe at her side.  Even as he smiled and spoke to her, Rey put her hand to her mouth, hopefully signaling Ben that she was not alone and could not talk to him without raising suspicion.

“Awake at last!” Poe said happily but softly.  “How are you feeling?”

“Much better,” she acknowledged, her eyes sweeping the room until she found Ben at the foot of her bed.  “How long have I been out?”

Poe turned to check the chronometer.  “Nearly three hours.”

Rey’s eyes widened and she looked at Ben.

“Have you been here that whole time?”

Both Poe and Ben answered in the affirmative, but it was Ben’s answer that interested her.  That was far longer than their connection had ever lasted before, and surely that indicated it wouldn’t last much longer.

“Don’t you have anything better to do?” she muttered, still speaking to both of them though now their answers differed.

“I didn’t mind.”

“You asked me to stay.”

Rey lowered her eyes and that beeping that alerted the med droid to her increased heart rate piped up as her face reddened.  Alarmed that the two men who observed her might both attribute the cause for her rapid pulse to be himself, she slipped off the table quickly, cutting off the monitor’s access to her physiology and therefore shutting it off entirely.  She cleared her throat and focused on adjusting her clothing, unable to look at either of them — one because she knew he wasn’t the cause of her fluttering heart, and the other because she knew he was.  But that didn’t stop either of them from swiftly advancing on her, both ready to catch her should her female delicacy require their manly intervention.  She grit her teeth together in annoyance at the thought.

“I’m fine,” she insisted in response to both men's unspoken anxieties.  “I’ve taken up enough of everyone’s time.  Am I good to go?” she demanded of the med droid that had been activated by her heart rate alarm.

She stood still, allowing the droid to test and observe her physical soundness so it could give her leave to depart.

“Have you any pain?” its mechanical voice inquired.

Her eyes darted swiftly between Ben and Poe.  “A little.”

“Identify these shapes.”

She focused on the images the droid projected onto the nearest flat surface — right through Ben, interestingly enough — and passed the test of her visual acuity quickly and easily.

“What is the sum of four and eight?”

“Twelve.”

“You have passed all necessary physical and mental assessments within the required time.  Have a good day.”

Rey took one last quick look around and spotted her staff perched in a corner.  Retrieving it quickly, she called to Poe over her shoulder.

“Thanks for your help!”

“Rey, wait!  Maybe you shouldn’t be alone.”

She sighed, glancing briefly at Ben, who continued to watch her intently.  If only Poe knew the truth, that she definitely wasn’t alone…

“It’s Poe Dameron, isn’t it?”

Rey clenched her teeth, her breath stumbling in her throat as she noted the hostility behind Ben’s question.

“I’m fine, really,” she insisted to Poe.  “You heard the droid…”

“If he touches you again, I will eviscerate him.”

She gasped at Ben’s viciousness, and quickly turned it into a cough, unfortunately fueling Poe’s reservations about her running off from the med bay so quickly.

“Those things aren’t infallible, you know,” Poe countered.

“Tell him,” Ben taunted her, his voice suddenly very near her left ear.  “Tell him you’re mine.”

Her stomach flipped and her heart thudded in her chest, satisfaction, fear, and rage suddenly boiling within her in equal measure.

“I’m not!” she shouted in annoyance and frustration, flinging her left elbow back to shove Ben away from her as she focused on salvaging what she could of this broken and jilted conversation with Poe.  “I’m not staying here a moment longer.  I’m fine and I’ve lost so much time today already.  I’ll see you later.”

And with that, she spun and left him standing there in the med bay with only his confused expression and the med droid.  Ben, unfortunately, was not nearly so cooperative.  She walked as swiftly as she was able without breaking into an outright run, and she kept her face angled low, hoping to avoid anyone who might be inclined to engage her in a little chat.  She was so tired of the dual existence this damnable Force bond thrust upon her, the effort of keeping track of who sees or hears what, of who she’s responding to and how when she speaks.  Her sole focus now was to reach the  _Falcon_ , where she could give Ben Solo the piece of her mind that he deserved.  Either that, or just to to reach the end of this marathon connection they had going on.  In the meantime, though, she was forced to endure his near constant bombardment without comment.

“You don’t presume to deny it, do you?” he’d begun as soon as she’d turned away from Poe.  “I’ve been thinking about this a lot, and I think Snoke lied when he said he created this connection between us.  He had nothing to do with it, otherwise why would it still be here after he’s dead?  It was always you and me, nothing else.  We are meant for each other, and I know you know that.  Your response to me confirms it.  You may hate me, you may think I’m a monster, but you also can’t stand to be without me.  Go on, Rey!  Deny it!”

Having reached her limit, Rey turned and screamed wordlessly in Ben’s face, willing him to witness the extent of her fury.  She glared at him, her angry breaths heaving through her chest, but, after a brief moment in which he recovered from the surprise of her wordless assault, he met her gaze defiantly.  Then, recognizing her inability to form coherent words, he kissed her.  For a moment, she lost herself in the contact, her world spinning out of control as Ben became the sole focus of her entire being.  With a grunt of rage, she regained her senses, shoved him back, and struck him hard across his jaw.  Then she turned and ran, fleeing in terror from what she’d just felt, stopping only to gasp for air when at last she felt their Force connection close.


	6. Forced Intimacy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "We're just two lost souls swimming in a fishbowl year after year.  
> Running over the same old ground, have we found the same old fears?  
> Wish you were here."

Rey startled awake, lifting her head abruptly and immediately impacting with something close behind her.  Squeezing her eyes shut against a sharp but fleeting pain, she heard a soft groan.  When she turned in surprise and alarm, she found Ben cradled in close behind her, his attention currently on his nose, which he pinched carefully.

“Ben!” Rey hissed.  “What are you…?”

“I don’t know,” he growled in fatigued annoyance.  “I just woke up and you’re here in my bed.”

Rey turned away sharply, hardly allowing herself to breathe as she realized she could feel the entire length of him behind her, from her shoulders to her heels.

“You’re not…?” she asked in sudden trepidation.

“I’m not what?” he demanded irritably after a moment.

“…naked…are you?”

“No,” he answered with a hard edge to his voice, although she could feel his distinct amusement, “more’s the pity.”

Rey ground her teeth together.  “I should whack your nose again.”

“No,” he repeated, though in a softer tone this time.  “Don’t do that.  I’ll move.  Just…give me a minute.”

Rey remained utterly still as she waited, but then Ben’s voice sounded with incredible gentleness right by her ear.

“ _If_  that’s what you really want...”

Rey caught her breath, her entire body tingling with an unfamiliar sensation.  She hesitated, knowing what she should say, but finding herself incredibly reluctant to do so.  It had been several days since she’d last seen him, and she had spent more time than she cared to admit thinking — no,  _obsessing_  — over his assertion that she was his, not to mention the kiss he’d stolen from her.  But, before she could build up the courage to formulate a response to his challenge one way or the other, Ben’s voice whispered again and she could feel the depthless plea in his consciousness.

“Be honest, Rey.”

A choked gasp escaped her throat, sounding suspiciously like a sob.  Her heart pounded against her chest and, with Ben so close behind her, she knew there was no way he wasn’t aware of the effect his whisper had on her.  She closed her eyes and permitted herself to fall.

“No,” she whispered, feeling her face heat to bright crimson.

She was desperately afraid he’d feign ignorance, forcing her to actually utter the words that she wanted him to stay right where he was.  Mercifully, he didn’t.  He didn’t speak or move, maintaining utter stillness though she could feel his relief at her answer.  His lack of any response allowed her to settle into her choice at her own pace, finding some measure of peace with it, him, and herself.  Then, once she had at last managed to relax to some extent, he slowly looped one arm over her, encasing her torso shielded by her own crossed arms.  It didn't escape her notice that his hand lay flat against the bunk in front of her, careful not to touch her.  She stared at his uncharacteristically ungloved hand, noting his long, powerful fingers and the pale hue to his skin tone, sheltered for untold years in thick gloves, whereas hers had been baked all her life by the Jakku sun.  She wondered how in all the gods they had come to be here like this: mortal enemies, each the most powerful Force user on opposite side of an endless war, trapped in unbelievable intimacy.

“What are you thinking about?” his tender voice washed over her, his breath gently feathering her cheek.

“Why does this keep happening?” she wondered, her tone one of amazed inquiry rather than desperate angst.  When he didn’t answer right away, she prodded him gently.  “You said you don’t think it was Snoke who did this.”

“No,” he agreed promptly, “I don’t.”

“Then what  _do_  you think?”

Rey listened as he took a slow, deep breath, feeling his chest expanding against her back.  She could practically hear him thinking, wondering how to put voice to his thoughts.

“What did you feel when you first met me?”

“Afraid,” she admitted in a small voice.

He sighed softly, and she had the impression he was disappointed by her answer.

“That’s understandable, I suppose, but…  Is that all?”

She thought about it.  She’d answered picturing the moment he’d paralyzed her in the forest on Takodana during his search for BB-8.  But now she thought of after that, when he’d interrogated her at Starkiller Base.  The fear had still been there but…

“It…changed,” she admitted slowly, still thinking through her words even as she formed them, “when you…removed the mask.”

“How?” he breathed.

She closed her eyes, remembering that moment and concentrating on what she’d felt.  It was something she hadn’t understood then, and she found its meaning equally elusive now.  But thinking back on it, she realized her fear had eased, replaced by curiosity because…

“You seemed familiar,” she murmured, astonished by the realization.

“How?”

“Your…energy,” she said, still puzzling through it.  “It was as though I’d felt it before.  And your voice.  Like…”

“In a dream.”

She turned her head sharply, looking at him directly for the first time since realizing he was there behind her.  He met her gaze, his own expression calm though intent.

“I felt it too,” he admitted softly, his eyes slowly and tenderly searching her face.

She nodded.  “You said that then.  I didn’t know what you meant.  Or…I was afraid to understand.”

He didn’t respond, but gazed deep into her eyes, his silence affirming his consensus as well as any words could.  She felt her heartbeat weigh like lead within her chest, a ponderous, laboring thing, and she cleared her throat, discomfiture driving her to turn her face away from him again.

“But what does that—?”

“When was the first time you felt this connection we have?”

“On Ahch-To.”

“Was it?” he asked abruptly, as though expecting her answer and knowing it to be incorrect.

“Of course,” she answered, confused.  “I shot you.”

She actually felt a slight rumble against her back and she realized her reminiscence had elicited a soft chuckle from him.

“That was the first time…at a distance, yes,” he agreed, “but before then?”

_At a distance_ …  He meant when they weren’t physically in the same space, she realized.  She’d only encountered him directly three times before then: on Takodana and twice at Starkiller Base.  She closed her eyes and thought back.  She had defeated him in that snowy forest where she’d scarred his face, though she’d never been under any delusions that her victory was due to anything more than his injury and emotional distress at having killed his father.  He had fought her relentlessly, and she was sure her end had arrived, but that was before the tables had turned.  He’d had her dead to rights, trapped against the edge of a cliff, fully aware she had no idea what she was doing with this weapon of bright, electric power.  He’d leaned close, incongruously offering to teach her the ways of the Force, thereby reminding her that the lightsaber she wielded was the weapon of the Jedi, and that Jedi used the Force.  She’d closed her eyes, seeking the awakening that she’d only barely begun to acknowledge somewhere deep inside her, but she’d felt lost, confused, not knowing what it was, where to find it, or how it had any bearing on surviving the stalemate in which Kylo Ren had caught her.  Then, inexplicably, something had guided her, leading her to perceive the power of the Force, showing her how to tap into it and let it feed her mind, body, and soul.  And she gasped, suddenly recognizing that the essence that had done that for her was one now so familiar.  She turned abruptly in Ben’s embrace, meeting his gaze in utter astonishment.

“You…” she breathed in awe, the full implications of what she’d just realized only now seeping into her consciousness.  “You showed me the Force, in the forest at Starkiller Base.”

He nodded subtly and Rey’s eyes dipped down to the scar that marred his cheek, the remnant of a strike she’d been able to deliver only because he’d shown her how to tap into the power that made it possible.  She reached forward, her fingers stretching instinctively for the scar, wondering if he’d known the consequences of his actions then, if he knew how close she’d come to ending him when he’d lain helpless at her feet.  His gaze fixed on hers, and she knew he noted the tears filling her eyes with stinging heat, but his entire body jerked the moment her finger brushed his cheek, his hand coming up with blinding speed to grip hers and remove it from his face.  He fell back away from her, breathing deep and staring above, his hand tangled tight in his hair.  Embarrassed and ashamed, Rey mirrored him, turning away and curling back into herself.  She closed her eyes against the tears, not understanding the emotion that flooded through her and finding herself exceedingly afraid of it.  But the moment she resolved to put distance between them, to get up and move across the lounge to the game table, Ben’s arm came back around her again, his hand this time gripping her forearm and pulling her firmly against his chest.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered into her ear.

“For what?” she moaned.  “For giving me what I needed to almost kill you?”

She felt Ben sigh, his head bowing forward to press his face into her hair.

“But you didn’t.”

Rey closed her eyes again, a tear falling as she pondered how strong the urge had been to drive Luke’s lightsaber through what she at the time had thought of as Kylo Ren's black heart.  What made it worse was that she didn’t know whether or not she would have struck him down had her contemplation not been interrupted by the sudden appearance of a vast chasm between them.  Even more distressing, she didn’t understand why the realization of how close she’d come to ending his life filled her with such despair now.  He was the enemy, the self-declared Supreme Leader of the First Order, whose primary objective was to destroy her and wipe the entire Resistance from the galaxy, paving the way for his absolute galactic power.  Why did the thought of him dying fill her with desolation?  Why did she desire nothing more at this moment than to remain here with him forever, isolated from everything and everyone else in existence?

She sobbed suddenly and Ben held her all the closer, the gentle fluttering of his breath behind her ear somehow comforting.  She could feel the heavy, steady pulse of his heart against her back, and she pressed her face away from him into her pillow, seeking some modicum of distance from both him and the entirely confusing emotions he raised within her.  She felt him release his grip by some degree and knew he wouldn’t stop her if she rose to move away from him entirely, but she didn’t.

Slowly, her rioting emotions quieted and she was able to breathe at ease again, though her mind still agitated in turmoil.  Ben’s hand was pressed flat to the bunk in front of her once more and she stared at it, wondering sadly when he would disappear again.  As though possessed by the same thought, Ben lifted his hand, bringing it toward hers slowly, as if alert for her objection with every millimeter he moved.  Gently, tenderly, his fingers touched her knuckles, his hand eventually coming to rest against the back of hers.  Hesitantly, Rey turned her hand beneath his, unclenching her fist and opening her fingers until their hands met palm to palm.  Transfixed by the sight before her eyes, Rey watched as their fingers slowly entwined until each hand clasped the other.  A tear fell and her stomach lurched as she watched his thumb delicately stroking the side of her finger.

Overcome by emotions she didn’t understand and yet thoroughly desired to embrace, Rey turned to face Ben once again.  She met his gaze, his eyes dark and intense as he contemplated the very nature of her soul.  And, with her heart fluttering in anxiety, feeling as though she were tempting a forbidden fate, she longed for him to kiss her.  She felt the breath catch in his throat, saw him swallow nervously, and sensed him accept her request.  She closed her eyes as he leaned forward the few scant breaths to claim her lips with his own and then, with languid ease, he slipped away from her, the connection coming to an end, leaving Rey feeling cold and alone.  She opened her eyes, confirming he was indeed gone, and fell to weeping bitterly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One of my favorite things about fanfiction is the opportunity to revisit familiar scenes or images. The interpretation I give in this chapter for that saber-lock moment on Starkiller Base is one of my favorites. What do you think? Does it work?


	7. Surrender

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Rey make plans for their future.

By the time she impatiently closed the last Jedi text, she confirmed what she had already known.  The answer wasn’t here, no matter how much she wanted it to be.  All she’d read about was restraint, decorum, and chastity.  This was what the Jedi valued, not illicit connections that fostered mental and emotional intimacy across untold distances.  And she was beginning to realize she didn’t want to have anything to do with the Jedi way if it meant giving up everything that made her feel most alive.  Maybe it was because she’d spent her entire life in isolation scavenging alone on Jakku, but the prospect of denying herself emotional attachment to anyone forever simply wasn’t appealing.

Of course, as she tossed the sacred text aside in disgust, she forced herself to recognize that maybe her thoughts were more a reflection of what she  _felt_  than what she read.

It had been six days since she’d last seen Ben, and thoughts of him intruded on every moment of her existence.  She recalled every word he’d said and every look he’d given, but most of all she recalled the feeling of unity they had shared.  She had cried herself to sleep that night after their last Force connection, and was sullen and miserable all the next day, avoiding all contact — especially Finn and Poe — in a bid not to have to explain her mood.  The second day, she’d forced herself to get back into her usual routine, teaching her combat lessons and taking meals with her friends, but she’d been aware at all times of how artificial her smiles were.  Over the next two days, the emotional toll of spending every moment desperately hoping for a distinctive heaviness of air and muffling of sound weighed increasingly on her, rendering her false emotional equilibrium more and more difficult to sustain.  She still taught her students but with consistently diminishing frequency, finding a preference for long, solitary hours working on the ancient space clunkers that had arrived to rebuilt the Resistance's fleet.  More and more, though, she sat in her bunk in a meditative posture, concentrating on searching the Force for Ben’s presence and invariably coming away with nothing to show for her efforts.  If he was right, if it was  _their_  bond, why couldn’t she initiate their connection?  Why did neither of them have any control over it?

And what did it mean that she was so desperate to see him again, to talk to him, to feel the warm strength of his embrace, to hear his voice claim her as his, to feel the press of his lips against hers?  In a constant effort to combat the irrational bent of her thoughts, she forced herself to recall every evil thing he’d done, certainly having plenty to choose from.  But she recognized she was in so deep when she could begin to imagine even the murder of his father and her own abduction and terrorizing from the tormented perspective of a man who’d spent his formative years feeling second best to his parents’ hectic diplomat and smuggler lives, who’d been told repeatedly that his most basic instincts were dangerous and to be subdued at all costs, who’d been manipulated by a Sith Lord seeking to take advantage of his power in the Force, and who’d genuinely believed that nobody believed in him.  When she found herself justifying his actions and even going so far as to wonder for the first time if she’d made a mistake when she'd refused his request to join him in ruling the galaxy at his side, she knew she could no longer deny his taunt.

She  _was_  his.

Rubbing at her face violently in a futile effort to clear away her anguished thoughts, Rey determined she could no longer wait for their bond to activate.  She needed to talk to him, to connect with him, to feel what he made her feel and thereby prove to herself that she wasn’t going insane.  And she needed it sooner rather than later.  Settling into her meditative posture, she recognized immediately that the turmoil in her mind was going to severely inhibit her ability to concentrate.  She closed her eyes and tried to focus on the moments when she had felt most at peace with him, but they were constantly marred by adjacent memories, like when he had shattered her hopes for his return to the light by asking her to join him in ruling the galaxy in darkness.  Or when he’d ruined her first realization of how much he truly did care for her by threatening physical harm to her friends.  And that kiss, the one she’d rewarded with a fist to his jaw…

With a shout, Rey leapt from her completely ineffective meditation.  She paced the  _Falcon_ ’s lounge, stymied by the question of how he could be so prominent in her mind and yet she couldn’t focus on him clearly.  When she closed her eyes and was immediately assailed by the sensation of his lips on hers and the resultant tumult deep in her core, she realized it was because she couldn’t focus just on him.  Her own thoughts, emotions, and, yes, even desires were too intricately entwined with her perceptions of him.  She needed to access him,  _only_  him, and she paced with ever greater agitation as she asked herself relentlessly how,  _how_  to do that.

Frustrated beyond reason, Rey spun and slammed her palms down onto the game table with a choked grunt, hunching over her shoulders and forcing herself to breathe deep.  When she lifted her face, her eyes landed upon the curved bench opposite her, and she heard his voice in her memory…

_I used to hide in the cabinet…_

Her breath halted in her chest and she stared at the bench.  Was it possible?  Determined to find out, Rey dropped to her knees and searched for the cabinet door she hadn’t even known existed before Ben mentioned it.  Once she found the concealed latch, she realized this must have been another secret compartment installed in the ship for smuggling.  The door laid down onto the floor in front of the opening, which was so narrow that Rey could fit little more than her hands through it.  Peering inside as well as she could, she found the space was completely empty.

“Please,” she murmured desperately as she placed her trembling hands inside and pressed them to the dusty floor.

Nothing.

Biting back both tears and curses, Rey wriggled closer on her stomach and brushed as much dust from beneath her hands as she could.  Breathing in the stale air from the confined space, she pressed her hands in again and closed her eyes, searching for any trace of the little boy who used to hide here, playing games with his father and waiting in barely contained delight for the latch to be sprung and the light to flood in, listening for the gentle scrape of his boot against the decking or the sound of him calling his name with laughter in his voice.  At least, that’s what he wanted the experience to be, but it wasn’t this time.  He was bigger now and could barely get in here anymore.  He heard the familiar voice, but the teasing tone was gone, replaced with impatience as he searched, needing to get his son off the ship so he could leave.  Again.  He hadn’t run off to hide while his father counted this time, but instead while he attempted to explain why he had to go away, reasons that made no sense in his six-year-old world.  The only reason he’d heard, whether or not his father intended such a message, was that his son was less important than all the other things that his father had to do out in the galaxy, things that didn’t involve him.  It was a familiar message sent by both his father and mother alike with disappointing frequency, and one he was already growing to resent.

Rey gasped in shock as the air thickened with a heavy  _thwump_  and she lurched up, stumbling over in her excitement.  She’d done it!  She had created the Force link and she felt Ben’s presence — his current, real, adult presence — as surely as she felt her own.

“—don’t care!” she heard him shout angrily, his voice altered by that mask she hated.  “Double it, now!”

He paused and Rey knelt at the table, watching him over its surface as tears for the boy he’d been continued to mar her face.  She gripped its edge, holding herself back from running to him.  She saw his head lift a fraction of an angle and she caught the distinct impression of his relief, but one gloved hand came in a fleeting gesture to his mask, using her own signal to indicate he wasn’t free to converse.  Despite the mask, she knew he was angry, intent, determined, every fiber of his being vibrating with rage aimed toward whoever was speaking to him.

“No!” he shouted, striking an unseen table with his fist.  “That is absolutely  _not_  negotiable.  But I want it done,  _now_!”

Ben listened again but soon turned his back, his emotions barely contained.  His shoulders hunched and the power of his rage shook him.

“Get out,” he muttered in disgust, then spun around, striking out with his fist as he repeated the command in a horrible bellow that had Rey cringing in fear.

A moment longer, and he suddenly released himself, taking two great strides in her direction as he hurriedly and carelessly cast aside his mask.  Rey stood, leaning on the table for support as his voice croaked out her name on a broken syllable.  His rage frightened her, as did her own need for him.  She knew she should restrain herself, but there was nothing in the world she wanted less.  She stood there, transfixed by his intense gaze, and tried to remind herself why she should not go to him.  She saw his hand twitch and flex as he stared at her, and she sensed in that involuntary gesture the restraint with which he too was struggling.  She shook her head, a fresh tear breaking free from the corner of her eye.

“Ben…!”

Powerless in the face of her need for him, she rushed toward him at the same instant he broke down as well.  Their bodies collided, joining in a searing, desperate kiss.  She clung to him, attempting to hold him so tight against herself that their essence might fuse into one.  She felt the heat of his embrace encircling her as his mouth fought with hers for full possession, and she clawed at him, needing more of him, all of him, and ultimately finding the feat impossible.  While his presence was definitely there with her, the bond they shared in the Force intact, she was nevertheless unable to draw him in closer.  His essence remained at a fixed and resolute distance, as if stuck behind a shield.  And she sensed it was not of his manufacture since she, too, felt as though she were sequestered behind an invisible barrier that thwarted every attempt she made to open herself fully to him.  She kept trying and failing, repeatedly, over and over, until at last the frustration of it all tore a cry from her throat and she broke away from him, weeping.

Collapsing into his embrace, Rey dropped to the floor and Ben came with her, his body encircling hers and holding her as tight as she wept out her frustrations.  She curled into him, clinging to him and tucking her face into his chest as he wrapped both his arms and his legs around her, enveloping her.  She listened to the pounding of his heart and felt the rise and fall of his chest against her cheek, and she wept fresh tears both for relief at finding herself in his embrace as well as disappointment that it failed to sate a need that had wormed its way deep inside her.

“I need more of you,” she moaned into his chest, her fingers clinging desperately to his clothing as his hold tightened around her.

“I know,” he responded, his voice tight, carefully controlled.  “But we can’t like this.  You have to tell me where you are.”

She sobbed in anguish, pressing herself ever closer into his embrace even while she shook her head.

“I can’t, Ben,” she wailed.  “I can’t.”

“I can’t be without you, Rey,” he countered, and she could sense the equal measure of his torment.

“I can’t betray my friends.”

“Then don’t.”

She lifted her head then, searching deep into his eyes to discern his meaning.

“The First Order means nothing to me anymore," he insisted, one gloved hand smoothing back her hair as his beseeching gaze bore into her.  "This war is nothing.  You are all that matters to me now.”

She stared, astonished, rendered speechless by his words.

“Tell me where, and I’ll meet you,” he pleaded desperately.  “You leave the Resistance behind, and I’ll leave the First Order behind.  It'll be just us.”

She still couldn’t respond, frozen by indecision.  She desperately wanted to agree, to throw caution aside and commit herself to him and only him for the rest of her life.  But she also knew how important her friends had become to her.  Could she really leave them behind to face their own fate?

“Please, Rey,” Ben whispered, fixing her face between his hands and setting her forehead against his.  “I need you.”

Rey closed her eyes and tears tracked down her cheeks.  This was an impossible choice.  She buried her face against his chest again, trying in vain once more to reach what she needed of his core, his essence, despite the distance of unknown lightyears between them.

“Remember Snoke’s throne room?” he murmured gently into her hair, his thumb absently stroking her arm.  “Do you remember how it felt when we fought his guard together?”

She nodded, realizing only then that sense of oneness she'd felt then was the union she sought now.

“This bond between us is amazing.  It makes no sense and everything I've found indicates it should never have happened.  But it still pales in comparison to what we can be when we are together.  I mean,  _actually_  together.  Tell me you sense that.”

She nodded.  “I do, Ben.  I do.”

“This is what I know I’m meant for, Rey.  I have no conflict on this,  _no_  reservations.  Dark and Light, it means nothing to me.  Both are incomplete without you.”

“Crait.”

Ben withdrew from her swiftly, his intense gaze searching her face intently.  Rey smiled weakly through her tears and nodded.

“Meet me on Crait.”

He stared and she met his gaze unflinchingly.

“The same bunker…?”

She nodded.  “Yes, the same one.  Can you do that?”

He swallowed anxiously, and she wondered if she’d made a mistake in suggesting a location with so much recent history already.  But she couldn’t afford to direct him to the Resistance’s current base, and any other location could lead to rampant suppositions about its proximity to that hidden site.  Only a known planet, the last place where each of them had been aware of the other’s presence, eliminated such conjecture.  But she’d also heard from Finn and Poe what had transpired there at the bunker while she and Chewie had flown through the crystal caves.  And she’d seen the devastation on Ben’s face when he’d finally penetrated the bunker only to find it empty, thanks to her efforts with the rocks at the back of the facility.  If he couldn’t handle a place with such virulent memories, was his ambition truly eclipsed by his need for her?  The sliver of doubt wormed its way into her consciousness and she worried she was making a mistake.

“Yes,” he whispered at last, breaking into her thoughts.  “When?”

“I can leave in about six hours.  Meet me there as soon as you can.”

He nodded, emotion flooding his countenance.  Yanking off his glove impatiently, he lifted his hand to cradle Rey’s cheek, his thumb stroking over her cheekbone tenderly.  She closed her eyes and leaned into the caress, seeking out the touch of his lips to hers like an addict.  She felt the brush of his breath on her mouth and she reached up into him, pressing her lips against his with an insistence that made him catch his breath.

“Soon,” she murmured as she pulled back from the kiss, her own finger rising to trace the line of the scar with which she had marked him.  “I will be with you soon.”

He nodded and swallowed convulsively, then kissed her deeply and tenderly.


	8. Capture

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Running away together doesn't go quite according to plan...

“Chewie, I need your help.”

The Wookie moaned at her in annoyance, clearly irritated by being awoken so early, but Rey just shook her head.  She hated to do it this way, but she’d reasoned through it all and was convinced this was what she had to do.  Even if she could persuade him to help her of his own accord, she couldn’t place him in the position of having to keep her secret.  It wouldn’t be fair to him.  A nagging voice in the back of her mind pointed out that it wasn’t exactly fair for her to be taking a choice away from him either, but she stifled it.  She didn't have time for attacks of conscience.

With a slow, careful breath, Rey reached out to access the Force and pressed her will into it.

“You will take me to Crait.  You will ask no questions.”

Chewie stared at her for a moment and a sliver of panic bloomed in Rey’s chest, wondering if this wouldn’t work on him.  But then he mumbled at her and, though she heard it as a series of grumbles and growls, she knew what he’d said.

_I will take you to Crait.  I will ask no questions._

Stifling the worry that he might not be truly under her influence and instead just playing along, she stepped back as he rose to tower above her then trotted along behind him to keep up with his lengthy strides as he did her bidding regardless.  A shard of guilt rose up within her again and she tamped it down, forcing herself to think about Ben instead.  He needed her, and she needed him.  There was no more denying that.  And this was the only way it could happen.  The galaxy would have to find a way without either of them, and there was nothing more for it than that.  So she grit her teeth and boarded the  _Falcon_  just behind Chewie, slapping the button to close the gangplank without a moment’s hesitation.

It was an uncomfortable journey, Chewie remaining silent but nonetheless casting furtive glances at her with dismaying consistency.  When at last it became more than Rey could handle, she leaped up and wrapped her arms around the hairy mountain of a Wookie she adored.  She felt his giant paws patting her arm and could sense the questions burning in his mind.  She buried her nose in the thick fur at his neck and muttered her sincerest apologies, to which he snuffled softly after a moment.

_We’re here_.

Rey nodded, surreptitiously wiping tears from her eyes as she watched the star lines reduce swiftly to points of light and the dull gray planet come into shape.

“To the same place we landed before,” she instructed him as the planet loomed ever nearer.  “Do you remember?”

_Of course I do_ , he snarled, the unspoken disapproval of her methods clear in his tone.

They were both silent as he maneuvered the ship into place, but Rey could hardly contain herself once the landing skids touched down.  Nothing was changed back here and they had seen no spacecraft on their approach from the front of the bunker — only a vast expanse of scorched land — but she couldn’t help but think Ben could already be here.  Unable to sit still a moment longer, Rey leaped up, but Chewie roared out in objection.  She skidded to a stop, and turned her guilty gaze on him.  Many words flooded through her mind, but she knew every one of them to be utterly useless, given what she was about to do.  So, with a final apology in her eyes, she reached once more for the Force and pushed her way into it.

“You will return to your bunk on Diaima.  You will remember nothing since waking this morning.”

His dark eyes watched her intently, defiantly, and Rey could see him attempting to fight her guidance through the Force.  In the end, though, he repeated the instructions back to her, and she knew he would carry them out.  With one last glance down at her hands, she fled to stand in the back passageway of the bunker, watching the familiar saucer shape lift into the sky for the last time.  And then the  _Falcon_ , Chewie, the Resistance, indeed the entire galactic war was behind her.

Rey turned and ran into the bunker, her footsteps echoing eerily in the vast, empty spaces around her.  None of this was familiar since she had not been with the Resistance when they’d sheltered here, however briefly and unsuccessfully.  But it was not particularly big and there were really very few choices for her to make regarding her path.  So she kept a sense of the acrid but less stagnant air ahead and followed her nose toward it, eventually reaching the massive blast door that had met its match in the First Order’s battering canon.  Rey slowed as she approached the gaping wound in the cavern’s wall.

Master Luke had been here.  At least, he had appeared to be.  She knew that in fact he had never left his sanctuary island of Ahch-To, and she couldn’t imagine the power it had taken for him to project such a solid life-like reproduction of himself.  But, despite that he was never actually here, this is where Ben had attempted twice to destroy him, his uncle and former teacher.  As she walked slowly and solemnly out into the bright glaring light of the mineral planet, she could feel the remnant of fury, hatred, and dark resolve that she knew had leeched off of Ben in those moments.  And her heart broke for him.  She now knew that they would not be able to stay here long, that the memories of what had transpired here were too hard and too fresh for either of them to endure.  But it was also evident that she would have to wait for the chance to figure out where they should go since Ben clearly had yet to arrive.

Retreating inside the shelter of the bunker, Rey settled herself down to wait, taking the opportunity to calm her riled emotions through meditation.  When she emerged from her self-imposed trance hours later, darkness had seeped inexorably into the bunker and a flash of lightning outside heralded a coming storm.  Rey found herself quite disoriented.  She had expected that Ben’s arrival would draw her from her meditation, but she could already sense she was still quite alone.

“Ben?” she ventured timidly, her voice ringing out into the vast expanse of the cavern with no response, and it was then that the first mote of fear entered her heart.

Working to calm herself, Rey rationalized that there could be any number of explanations for his delay.  Maybe the First Order had simply wandered further from this location after their failed confrontation with the Resistance than they had.  But even as she consoled herself with that idea, she couldn’t believe it.  She’d given Ben her precise timeframe intentionally, and she knew he’d have done everything within his power to beat it, to arrive before her, which meant something beyond his power had prevented him from doing so.

Rey lurched to her feet, her breathing coming in short painful gasps as her heartbeat thundered in her ears.  She needed to reach Ben, needed to reassure herself of his safety.  She’d tapped into their bond through the Force once before and surely she could do it again.  But she encountered the same problem she had the last time: her emotions were too tumultuous for her to achieve the calm clarity the Force required.  Viciously cursing the delicacy of the Force, Rey commenced a heated pace through the bunker with increasing fervency, searching with an ever growing sense of dread for any inspiration to help her access Ben.  She thought briefly about returning outside to the remnants of his presence she’d noted earlier, but she sensed that the nature of the emotions represented there were so overwhelmingly violent that they would drown her if she attempted to access them.  She had just determined that she must try anyway when she stumbled to a halt, a flicker of familiarity catching at the edges of her consciousness as she hurried through the control room.

Backtracking a few steps, she found the focused center of Ben’s lingering presence, a deep sense of failure and loss that took her breath away.  Closing her eyes and controlling her breathing, Rey concentrated on that sense of him, attempting to pinpoint when it was that he had stood here.  Without conscious awareness, she knelt to the floor, cradling a shiny object in her hand and feeling a surge of anger when it faded into nothingness before her eyes.  Then another presence drew her attention and she looked up to see…herself.  She stood at the top of the  _Falcon_ ’s ramp, hesitating to close the ship for takeoff as she gazed down on herself in disappointment and heartbreak.  And Rey suddenly understood this is where Ben had knelt when the Force had connected them one last time before she escaped Crait with the meager remainder of the Resistance.  The awareness brought a tear to her eye, reminding her of the pain she’d witnessed at that moment, and she willed that former connection to widen, expand, grow into a current connection.  She focused with every ounce of her energy and willpower on forging that link, on exploiting the bond that was always there and yet stubbornly difficult to access.  And as soon as the excess weight of the air settled into place, as soon as the ambient noise of the cavernous bunker was muffled in her ears, the horror of what she saw nearly startled Rey out of the connection again.

Ben lay upon the floor in utter stillness, his clothing torn and tattered, his body beaten and bloodied.  With a cry, Rey hurried toward him, desperately afraid he was already dead, momentarily forgetting that she wouldn’t be able to contact him this way if he was.  Tears already streaming from her eyes, she slid into a crouch beside him, leaning over to see his face, swollen and covered in blood.  But she heard the thin, labored stream of his breath and a sound of anguish and despair escaped her throat.

“Ben…” she murmured.

Afraid to touch him but knowing she must, she pulled as gently as she could on his shoulder, coaxing him onto his back.  Then she tenderly cradled his cheek, turning his face toward her.

She gasped his name again, terror gripping her since he’d failed to respond the first time.  Then at last his eyelids fluttered, opening laboriously as his deep brown eyes slowly focused to find her above him.

“Rey,” he mumbled, her name escaping on a thin breath of air.

His hand came up to touch hers, holding it weakly against his face.  But then his countenance contorted and his eyes opened again, this time alert with fear and alarm.

“Run, Rey,” he pleaded with her desperately.  “Run.  They know.  They’re coming.”

“Who?” she breathed, panic settling in her heart as his eyes fluttered closed again.  “Ben!”

With her heart tearing inside her, the connection closed at the moment that Ben’s head fell to the side and he disappeared from her arms, but her cry of desperation was interrupted by the sound of an explosion.  Staggering to her feet, Rey raced for the damaged blast door and out into the dark of the Craitan night.  Torrential rain beat down upon her, leaching away the thin layer of white from the salt flats, leaving cloudy rivulets snaking their way across a blood red surface.  A fire raged in the distance, defiant against the rain that proved insufficient to quench it.  But the sight that drew Rey up short was that of six figures approaching with menacing nonchalance.  Every one of them was clad entirely in black, complete with full-mask helmets that rendered their identities a complete mystery.  Their intent, however, was not so mysterious, each one yielding some sort of weapon in a threatening manner and exuding a Force sensitivity that reeked of the Dark Side.  But it wasn’t until they were close enough for Rey to discern details of the central figure that a cold dread took hold of her: a series of parallel silver lines extended across the upper half of the metal helmet, curving down on each side to frame the visor.  And when the distinctive  _hiss_  of a lightsaber revealed a red blade with all-too-familiar quillons, Rey’s knees buckled under her.

“Ben…?”

She stared in horror at he came to stand before her and she shook her head stubbornly, feeling the heat of his blade as it sputtered and spat in the rain.

“Hello, Rey,” he said in his mask-modulated voice.

“I just saw you!” she cried in denial.

“You saw what I wanted you to see,” came his mechanized, soulless response.

“No,” she muttered as she glanced from mask to mask, desperately attempting to make sense of this as tears mingled with raindrops on her cheeks.  “No, I don’t believe you!”

With excruciating lethargy, he knelt down beside her and removed his helmet, revealing the face with which she had become so well acquainted through their Force bond.  His mouth twisted in a cruel smirk and his eyes clearly delighted in her evident distress.

“It took longer than I expected,” he gloated softly, his painfully familiar voice barely audible above the sound of the whipping rain, “but I knew I could get you to reveal the location of the Resistance.  Now, thanks to you, we can wipe them out once and for all.”

“No…  Ben—”

“My name,” he interrupted in a cold, hostile tone, “is Kylo Ren, Master of the Knights of Ren.  And you are our captive.”

Rey looked around at the assembled figures, a dark, burning fury building in the pit of her stomach.  She had no weapon, was thoroughly outnumbered, and she sensed even her access to the Force would be of little aid to her in these circumstances.  But she looked into Kylo Ren’s gloating, triumphant gaze and hatred such as she had never before known flooded her, thrumming and vibrating deep inside her.  She didn’t want to believe that everything she had experienced with him had all been an elaborate ruse, but she knew the feel of his presence in the Force as well as she knew herself, and there was no mistaking the vile man who knelt before her, delighting in her pain.  She knew she was lost to whatever he had planned for her, but she suspected —  _hoped_  — there was one last gift she could bestow upon her friends.

Staring defiantly into Kylo’s eyes, Rey dug deep within herself, within her access to the Force, causing him to narrow his eyes in suspicion.

“What are you doing, Rey?  You know you can’t win.”

She declined to answer, instead concentrating every ounce of her being on gathering all the power she could.  She vaguely noted that the assembled Knights began shifting uncomfortably on their feet and glancing at one another, aware of the mass of power she was accumulating but unaware of its purpose.  Even Kylo rent his focus from her as her efforts caused rain — both fallen and falling — to be drawn in her direction.  As the effect intensified, he scrambled to his feet and brought his weapon to bear upon her.

“Stop this, Rey!” he shouted above the howling of the wind and rain that swirled around her now.  “I  _will_  cut you down!”

But she didn’t stop and she didn’t falter in her focus on his despised visage as she gathered the power between her hands, shaping it into a dense ball of energy that pulsated with life, even as she pierced Kylo with a gaze that spoke of murderous intent.  Her body ached and shuddered with the sustained effort, and her voice began to resonate with a low intensity that she couldn’t quite contain.  The water swirled around her faster and faster, building a momentum that could not sustain much longer, and Rey felt a distant satisfaction with the expression of panic that suddenly crossed Kylo’s face.

“Rey!” he shouted, raising his weapon to strike.

But before he could, Rey released her accumulated power, flinging her hands out, throwing all six of the Knights of Ren back away from her.  In the same motion, she gathered the power back to her and slammed it down into the planet itself, flinging her head back and crying out with every ounce of strength she could muster into the Force.

“LEIA!”

She screamed the name as long and as loud as she could, using the energy of the crystalline planet itself to amplify the effect and drive even more power into her trans-galaxy shout.  She had no way of knowing if this would work, if General Organa would receive her message or even understand it.  But she knew, if she had only this one opportunity to right any of the misery that her foolish, blind hope had caused, this is how she wanted to use it.

Far sooner than she’d hoped, the Knights regained their wits.  The nearest clambered to their feet and charged her with their weapons, but Kylo remained where he lay, flinging his energy out toward her from his prone position with his own cry of fury.  She felt the impact of his power and her voice cut off abruptly, just as she felt his familiar essence thrust her backward, her head striking the hard, crystalline earth.  Rey blinked in dazed confusion, her mind, body, and heart utterly spent.  She struggled to rise, but only managed to lift herself part way onto her elbow before Kylo was there, viciously kicking her arm out from under her.  She closed her eyes against the rain striking her face and rolled deliriously onto her side, giving herself over to whatever he planned for her as she lost consciousness.


	9. Pain and Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pain and love... How different are they, really?

Rey screamed in agony, the simultaneous Force invasions into her psyche tearing through her with unimaginable malice.  Each of them independently would have been a relatively simple matter to resist, but the combined effort of six at once rendered the protection of a solitary name a matter of intense torture.  She couldn’t tell where she was or how long she'd been held captive there, but she knew she had to hold back the name of the planet where the remainder of the Resistance sheltered as long as she could.  Of course, if Leia hadn’t received or understood Rey’s message, there was little point to resisting the Knights’ interrogation since they were doomed anyway, but Rey couldn’t chance that.  She had done quite enough to put her friends’ lives in danger, and she would do absolutely everything within her power to give them as much time to flee as possible, even if that required the last of her energy.  She owed them at least that much.

Rey screamed anew, not having realized the assault on her consciousness had ceased until it resumed once again.  Her body constricted, pulling mindlessly and fruitlessly at the unseen bonds that suspended her in mid-air despite that her exhaustion and pain would have had her curled in a fetal position on the floor long ago.  With a final cry, the psychic intrusion abruptly subsided, leaving Rey a heaving and throbbing mass of residual pain.  Her head lolled back, straining her throat and impeding her ability to breathe, but she lacked the strength to lift it again.  She whimpered weakly as she wished for death or at least unconsciousness, but instead was vaguely aware of the zinging energies that sped around her.  They were too fast and numerous for her to catch, but she knew this was how the six Knights of Ren were communicating with one other, leaving only her pathetic mewling to fill the sonic void of the chamber.  When a fresh scream ripped from her throat, she knew they had concluded they weren’t yet ready to give up their torturous interrogation.

Rey sagged heavily against the bonds that restrained her, her weight pulling relentlessly at her wrists and ankles.  The Force messages zipped around her once more as she attempted to regain her breath, but then a shout of frustration rose up.  One of the Knights strode forward, waving a hand that released her instantly, and she went crashing to the floor.

“This isn’t working!” he shouted in frustration and annoyance.

“Well, what do you suggest?” another demanded, the decision clearly having been made to abandon their silent messaging system.

“Let me try.”

And Rey whimpered in heartache and fear as she recognized Ben — no,  _Kylo’s_  voice.  She attempted to squirm away from him as he approached, but he seized her hair in a relentless grip and pulled her face close to his.

“We need one name, Rey,” he murmured, his voice low and menacing as he sneered at her weak defiance.  “One word, and this all stops.”

She gazed in misery into his eyes, their deep intensity that she had somehow come to care so much for now causing her heart to shatter.  Her head rocked listlessly back and forth in his grip as tears leaked from the corners of her eyes, and she croaked more than said, “No.”

“This can get worse, Rey,” he warned, his face so near hers that she could feel his breath against her ear.  “I know you don’t believe that, but it can.”

Rey closed her eyes and actually managed to smile a little.  She knew the only way this could get worse was if she gave up the name she had until now protected so thoroughly that the Knights were forced to resort to idle threats to acquire.  Anything else would just be more pain.  This defiance of withholding the information they wanted, this last, small victory against Kylo, was all that was left to her.  There was nothing, absolutely nothing that would convince her to give that up.

Kylo, evidently realizing this fact through some combination of her expression and her consciousness, released her abruptly.  She curled into a ball, tucking both her arms and her legs in as close as she could and burying her face in her hands.  She lay there sheltering in herself to whatever extent she could for as long as she may, and felt Kylo standing above her, looking down on her in frustration and disgust.

“Bring him in.”

His abrupt instruction was met with unanimous surprise, some voices raised in confusion — “Why?” “What can that accomplish?” “That wasn’t the plan!” — and some in agreement — “Yes!” “That could work…”  But Kylo clearly had the final say and Rey was vaguely aware of a door creaking open, light flooding into the stark chamber.  Her mind spun, wondering who  _he_  could possibly be, and able to think of only Finn and Poe.  But they were both safely hidden away with the Resistance.  If the Knights had already captured one of them, then surely they wouldn’t still need her to give up the location of their hidden base.  So she reasoned that it must be a random innocent, some man who had the unfortunate fate of having wronged the First Order somehow, and who was now to endure torture for the sole purpose of extracting the planet’s name from her.  New tears escaped her eyes as she realized she wouldn’t be able to help him.  She would have to endure this nameless man’s pain and so would he, because she couldn’t give up her friends no matter what they put him through.  She hated the decision she was forced to make, but she hated Kylo even more for forcing her to make it.

Shadows stretched across the room and onto her face as two masked and cloaked figures dragged the hapless man in.  He was dropped unceremoniously in front of her, the acrid scent of blood assailing her immediately.  She closed her eyes and turned away from the evidence of the agony he had already endured, impotent rage coiling deep in her stomach and dying unceremoniously there since she lacked the strength to do anything with it.  She couldn’t even reach out through the Force to this unknown man to offer some pathetic attempt at an apology for what he now had to endure.  But it quickly became clear that Kylo had other plans for her anyway.

“Look at him,” he instructed harshly.

She shook her head and refused, knowing full well that the next thing to happen was that he would lift her bodily and drag her over to the man so she would be forced to bear witness to his torture.  Nevertheless, she shook her head and wept bitterly, shouting in fury as her body was flung viciously alongside the beaten man.

“Look at him!” Kylo bellowed, and the assault of his command on her psyche was all she could handle.

“I hate you!” she cried out with more vigor than she’d expected, still refusing to open her eyes and look at the man whose blood now coated her hands.

To her distinct surprise, her defiant words were met with laughter.  Not just from Kylo, which she could have understood given the duplicitous nature of the entire relationship he’d led her into, but also the rest of the Knights in equal measure.  Their mirth was genuine, not merely an expression of satisfaction at the depths of emotional turmoil to which she’d sunk. An instinct she didn’t understand had her recalling Kylo’s words.   _This can get worse_ …  Dread gripping her heart, she lifted her head and was greeted with a sight that made no sense.

Ben.

Ben lay here before her, bloodied and beaten, just as she’d seen him in their last Force connection, when he’d warned her that the Knights were coming.  Her gaze jerked upward, her face a mask of misery and confusion as Kylo knelt down opposite Ben’s body from her.  She looked back and forth repeatedly between their faces, and they were the same, right down to the errant black curl falling over one eye and the scar she had placed across his right cheek.

“I…  I don’t understand…” she whimpered.

Kylo laughed along with his Knights, his dark eyes swimming in sadistic delight.  He looked down at Ben, unconscious and unmoving, and sneered viciously at him, plucking at the frayed remnants of his black robes in disgust.

“You were so ready to believe the worst of him,” Kylo muttered, his cold and contemptuous expression leveling on Rey.  “Of  _course_ , he's perfectly capable of deceiving you for his own gain.  Far more likely, surely, than that he actually  _loves_  you.”

Rey stared in mounting horror, her eyes leaping restlessly from Kylo to Ben and back again.  Then, as she watched, Kylo’s face melted away and morphed into another man’s visage entirely.  At the same time, the presence in the Force that had become so familiar over the last weeks shifted, moving from the sneering man who knelt before her to the one who lay still as death between them.

“Hello, Rey,” he said with a smirk, his voice smooth and menacing, and definitely no longer Ben’s.  “I am Sarniel Ren.  Kylo here — or, Ben, as you like to think of him — was my master and closest friend…until he betrayed us for you.  I shall enjoy causing him unimaginable pain, and I will continue to do so until you give us the information we need.  I do hope you’re willing to withhold that information a good…long…while.”

The Knights all erupted into raucous laughter as Sarniel rose to his feet and Rey, weeping openly, reached for Ben.  She cried out in dismay when his body was lifted away from her and suspended above though facing downward, no doubt to afford her a better view.  At Sarniel’s call, one of the helmeted Knights stepped forward, wielding a narrow spear.  At a gesture, the tip of the spear erupted into white-hot heat, and he unceremoniously pressed it against the side of Ben’s neck.  He jerked awake, a cry of pain drowning out all other sound, but not before Rey heard the sickening sound of hot metal searing into flesh.  The Knights all roared their amused approval.

“Good of you to rejoin us, Kylo Ren!” Sarniel called out, drawing Ben’s attention.  “Say hello, Rey.”

“Rey…” he mumbled weakly, and she rose to him, cradling his head in her hands as she pressed her forehead to his cheek and wept openly.

“Ben,” she sobbed.  “Ben, I’m so sorry…”

“We’ve been playing a little game, Kylo,” Sarniel told him in tones of great delight.  “Haven’t we, Rey?”

She saw Ben look to her, his gaze clouded in pain but also dread for what his former companions had already put her through.

“You remember how we used to trick Master Skywalker by pretending to be each other?  Well, I’ve still got it, brother!  And Rey fell for it completely.  You can’t really blame her for thinking you truly could have deceived her into betraying her rebel friends, though.  After all, she didn’t actually believe you love her, either.  I mean, how could she really, when she’s a  _Jedi_ ,” Sarniel shouted viciously, all pretense at amusement suddenly vanishing, “and you’re a  _Sith_?”

The Knight advanced swiftly with an expression of pure hatred on his face and slapped his bare hand on Ben’s back.  Ben's entire body arched upward and he cried out in horrible pain as his flesh split along five lines where Sarniel had set his hand.  Rey screamed his name as she reached for him, gathering his face back into her hands when his body relaxed enough to bring him within her reach.  She held him as well as she could, stroking his jaw and weeping her apologies.

“Look at that,” Sarniel crooned, intruding on the close space that Rey and Ben shared, his expression one of mock wonder as he focused first on her then him.  “I think she might believe it now, Kylo.  Do you want to say it?  It might be your last chance, you know…”

“Don’t…” Ben stammered, struggling to speak as his eyes sought hers.  “Don’t give them…anything…Rey.”

“Ben…”

“Oh!” Sarniel whined loudly in exaggerated disappointment.  “No?  Alright.  It’s your choice.  Get comfortable, little Jedi.  We’ve got a show for you!”

And with a nonchalant wave of his hand, Rey’s feet were swept out from beneath her and she landed on the floor below Ben, mirroring him above her.  She grimaced and lifted her hand as her head hit the floor hard and she heard Ben shout her name, though his voice sounded fractured and multiplied now.  Sarniel shouted a name and another Knight came forward with a wickedly serrated dagger, which was dragged across Ben’s face from temple to jaw.  His blood trickled onto Rey’s face, mingling with her tears, as Sarniel objected loudly to the treatment.

“Not the face!” he cried, amusement thick in his voice.  “She may not like him so much if he’s not pretty any more!”

“That’s assuming he survives,” another Knight interjected.

“Excellent point, Cerisse!” Sarniel cried, snapping his fingers at her.  “You’re next!”

She clapped her hands in evident glee before drawing forth a weapon that crackled and fizzled with electric energy.  With a childlike squeal, she drove the weapon into Ben’s side, her voice rising in raucous amusement as his body jerked and convulsed violently until she withdrew, leaving behind burned flesh that bubbled and oozed a moment longer.  Ben cried out in pain, but Rey could already hear the weakness in his voice, and she didn’t know how much more he could withstand.

“Stop!” she cried out as Sarniel called yet another Knight forward, but Ben lifted his head and met her gaze with urgency.

"No, Rey..."

"It's not worth this, Ben!" she cried, turning her attention resolutely to Sarniel.  “It’s Diaima!  Please, leave him be!”

“Where?” Sarniel demanded, all amusement vanishing instantly from his demeanor as he dragged her up by the Force to shout at her, spittle flying into her face.  “Where on Diaima?”

“An abandoned machinery factory,” she told him, her eyes casting toward Ben, who had gone limp and quiet in his suspended restraints.  “South of Taierlon.”

“How?  Who provided this shelter?”

“I don’t know,” Rey cried, realizing her ignorance could yet seal Ben’s fate.  “An acquaintance of General Organa’s.  I don’t know a name!”

She felt Sarniel dig into her mind, but there was no pain since she made no attempt to stop him.  She allowed him to pursue any path he wanted, willing her lack of physical reaction to attest to the truth of her revelations.  After staring close into her face a moment longer, he dropped both her and Ben to the floor, summoning his compatriots with an imperious “Knights!”  Obediently, they all followed him out of the chamber, some grumbling their disappointment that she’d given in so soon, and the door slammed shut behind them.

“Ben,” she whimpered, crawling over to him, desperate to know he was still alive.

Half his face was covered in fresh blood, streaking from the shallow cut toward his nose.  His brow was pinched in distress, but his eyes were closed.  Rey stroked the blood-free cheek and whispered his name between sobs and sniffles.  When he made no response, she set her forehead against his and prodded gently into his consciousness.  She met with absolutely no resistance, and immediately recognized Ben’s presence, her mind flooding with his overwhelming sense of despair, remorse, and — below it all — blind rage.

_Ben_ , she pleaded within his mind.   _Please, talk to me_.

_I’m here, Rey_.

She choked back her relief and set several small kisses against his temple, but still he remained unconscious.

_Why didn’t you run_? he mourned.   _I told you to run_.

_I couldn’t.  I had no ship and they were already there_.

_What did they do to you?_    _Answer me, Rey!_ he insisted, sensing her hesitation.

_Nothing.  Only probed my mind, trying to locate the Resistance_.

An image suffused her mind and she saw herself, suspended and arched backward in a room draped in red, crying out in pain.  She recognized what Ben must have witnessed when Snoke had invaded her consciousness, stealing her secrets, and she nodded.

_Yes, exactly like that.  Only six at once._

She caught a brief but brilliant flash of fury, followed by a longer and deeper sense of regret.  Before she could respond, though, he was interrogating her again, insistent but also timid.

_You truly believed Sarniel was me?  That everything we’ve shared has all been a lie?_

She nodded and held him closer as she wept onto his shoulder.   _Yes_ , she admitted, though it broke her heart to do so.   _I did_.

Ben offered no words, but Rey felt his presence guiding her deeper into his consciousness.  She followed obediently, a little afraid of what she would find there, but knowing he deserved her faith and trust at this very moment even if never any other.  Leading her past a narrow constriction that she sensed had been closely guarded before now, she found a brilliant light, of which she herself was the sole object.  She saw his immediate infatuation with her from the first moment he felt her presence in the forest of Takodana.  She saw his need for her to understand the truth of what had happened at Luke’s Jedi academy, as well as his confusion regarding why her awareness should be so important to him.  She saw the vision he’d had when they first touched, wherein he saw her turn to the dark side and rule by his side as his empress.  And she knew that was why he had presented her to Snoke, believing it to be the path she would take toward fulfilling his vision.  She saw his quickly growing discomfort with Snoke’s treatment of her and the moment he realized he wouldn’t allow her to die.  Then she saw the moment when she broke his heart by refusing to take his hand and join him in rebuilding the galaxy.  She felt his overwhelming delight in their growing bond through the Force, along with his frustration that she seemed so angered by it.  She felt his worry when he’d thought her injured in battle, and his blind jealousy when Poe was the one to carry her to the med bay.  And she felt his desperation to know she was as obsessed with him as he was with her.  She recalled him telling her that he no longer cared about the First Order or the war, only her, but, rather than giving her the words this time, he now showed her the truth of his feelings, his reluctant and therefore gradual acceptance of the fact that she was, truly, his everything.

Overwhelmed and moved beyond words, Rey lay frozen next to him, blinking in astonishment for several moments before she realized he was conscious now and watching her, silently gauging her reaction to all he’d shown her.

“I do, Rey,” he assured her gently.  “I do love you.”

She sobbed suddenly and buried her face in his neck, holding him tight and feeling his arms reciprocating her embrace as she opened herself up to him and allowed him to see all the thoughts, feelings, doubts, and fears he’d built inside her over the previous weeks.  And she felt him sigh in relief and contentment as he kissed her hair and stroked her jaw with his thumb.

“You truly intended to meet me on Crait?” she asked timidly after a moment, her voice muffled in his hair.

“Yes,” he insisted softly.  “Eagerly.”

“What happened?”

Ben sighed deeply and carefully, and Rey lifted her face to peer at him.  He looked up at her with so much sadness, and reached to smooth some of her tears and his blood from her cheek.

“Sarniel returned from a recruiting mission, and he sensed my…distraction,” he began, his words soft and halting.  “He confronted me, and I hid the truth from him.  He waited until I was asleep then tried to pull it from me.  He couldn’t see everything, but he saw that I killed Snoke.  He contacted the rest of the Knights and gathered them, then they attacked me.  They learned about you, about my plans to just…disappear, and decided they could use that to wipe out the Resistance instead.”  He hesitated, then quirked half a weary smile at her.  “I really hope you’re alright with not ever being an empress, because I think I’ve been deposed.”

Rey burst out in a soft, brief laugh, shaking her head that he could actually bring her to do that in circumstances such as these.  “I think I’ll be alright, Ben.”

He closed his eyes and sighed contentedly, his hands tightening on her arms.

“I hated that name until you used it,” he confessed.  “Now I can’t imagine why I ever did.”

He gazed up into her eyes intently, touching her cheek again, her hair.

“You are so very beautiful, Rey,” he mused softly.  “I will do anything for you.”

She smiled, flattered, and averted her gaze in mild embarrassment.  But then she looked into his eyes again.

“Even turn to the light?”

He smiled.  “Happily.  As long as that’s where you are.”

“Not all the way, though,” she amended, stifling a smile when his brows lifted in surprise.  “I…uh…like some of the dark in you.”

“You do, do you?”

She nodded sheepishly.

“Am I allowed to tell you I like the dark in you too?”

She cast her eyes downward, but smiled, knowing he expected her to argue that she didn’t have any darkness.  Instead, she leaned forward slowly.

“You mean, like this?” she murmured, her lips only a breath from his.

She saw a passion to rival her own flare in his eyes and she kissed him, her emotions soaring at the contact, his energy overwhelming and fusing with hers.  And here, even in this simplest and briefest of kisses was the sense of unity whose absence she'd found so frustrating during their trans-galactic connections.

“Yes,” he hissed on a long, low syllable before looking up at her and wincing with a heavy dose of regret in his emotions.  “Although maybe not right now, unfortunately.”

She understood immediately what he meant, that his battered and tortured condition made everything a bit uncomfortable just now.  She frowned in concern and inspected the new wound on his cheek.  It wasn’t deep, and she had the distinct impression that the Knight who’d inflicted it hadn’t been quite as on board with Ben’s torture as perhaps some of the others.

“I like to think so,” he interjected bitterly, sensing the direction of her thoughts and sharing with her the deep sense of betrayal that the Knights’ behavior posed for him.  “Then again,” he added, “perhaps it is only right, considering I betrayed Master Luke.”

Rey looked down on him in great compassion and stroked his hair back from his face.  “We can worry about that later, alright?”

He agreed by a nod, and gripped her hand, expressing silent gratitude through their Force bond for her use of that little pronoun  _we_.

“Are you alright?” Rey asked in deep concern, glancing over his body and the myriad wounds he had sustained.

He nodded again, and carefully proceeded to sit up from his supine position.  “I’m tougher than I look.”

She would have liked to quip that he already looked pretty tough but, in his current state, with open wounds, fresh burns, and a veritable collage of blood and bruises covering him everywhere she looked, she was more inclined to think he probably looked worse than he felt.

“I’m more worried about your friends.”

His comment surprised and moved her, and she quickly drew him into her mind to show him what she had done when the Knights of Ren confronted her.  He looked at her in amazement.

“How did you know to use the planet as a resonance chamber?”

“Is that what I did?”

“Essentially.”

“I didn’t know,” she confessed, “but I didn’t have anything else.  I don’t even know if it worked—”

“It did.  She heard you.”

Rey frowned.  “How do you know?”

“I…”  Ben grimaced awkwardly.  “I warned her too.  She already knew to evacuate.  But she may, uh, know about us now too.”

“You told her?” Rey asked, not entirely sure how she felt about this.

“No.  But she’s my mother.  She…figures things out.”

“Can you reach her now?” Rey inquired on sudden inspiration.  “Can you find out if they’re safe?”

Although he looked a little reluctant, he nodded.  But first, he nudged her, coaxing her to sit between his legs as he tucked her in close to his chest.

“I can meditate better this way,” he offered by way of explanation, bringing a smile to her face.

“You must always meditate like this, then.”

He laughed briefly, laid a firm but tender kiss on her forehead, and admonished her with a brief  _Shh_!  He closed his eyes, seeking out his mother’s presence in the Force and sharing the effort with Rey.  She delighted in witnessing the ease with which he bent the Force to his will, and she looked forward to trying this with him, learning how to use their bond with more control.

_I think it’ll be a lot easier now that we’ve both accepted it_ , he said in her mind. _Now, hush!  You’re distracting me._

Rey smiled, snuggling herself closer into Ben’s embrace, then forcing herself to stillness.

_Mother_ …   _Mother, hear me..._

_Ben!_

Rey could feel the mixture of anxiety and overwhelming joy the former princess experienced in being contacted so unexpectedly by her son.

_Are you safe?_ he asked quickly, disguising his discomfiture with her reaction in the business at hand.

_Yes, we’re off Diaima.  But Rey—_

_She’s here with me.  We’re alright…for now.  The Knights of Ren have betrayed me.  I don’t know what their plans are…  They’re in charge now._

_Where are you?_

_Naboo_.

“Where on Naboo?” Rey exclaimed, startled.

“Shh!”

_We’re coming to get you_.

_No!  Don’t!  There’s so few of you left, you can’t afford a rescue mission._

_I can’t afford to lose you_.

Ben hesitated, feeling the weight of Leia’s raw emotion, of all the agony he’d put her through for so long.  Feeling his pain, Rey turned in his embrace and carefully cradled his face, gently kissing him.  She felt his anxiety ease, accompanied by a swell of gratitude for her comforting presence.

_You won’t, Mother.  Rey will make certain of it.  Or she’ll kick my ass._

_Yes_ , Rey agreed whole heartedly, using this as a convenient excuse to kiss him again.

Rey felt Leia’s joy and immense gratitude crackling through their Force connection.

_Rey, I thank the gods for you_.

_As do I,_ Ben agreed.

Rey snuggled down onto Ben’s chest again, feeling flattered but sheepish, and grateful when he returned to the business at hand.

_No rescue, Mother!  Rey and I can handle this.  We’ll be fine.  And we’ll contact you again when we’re safe._

_I…may have…already authorized a mission…_

_What?  When?_

_When you told me you’re on Naboo.  They’re weren’t likely to take no for an answer, anyway.  If I’d forbidden it, they would have just disobeyed me.  And I can’t afford to lose these two._

_Who?_

_Finn and Poe,_ Rey interjected, certain of the response.

_Dameron?_  Ben asked, his hackles rising, at which Rey kissed him once more, then again when she realized his response had been fabricated with that very result in mind.   _Alright, but tell them to wait in the outlying districts.  Do not come to Theed!_

_And don’t tell them Ben is with me_ , Rey interjected _.  Let me handle that when we see them._

“They’re not your biggest fans,” she explained softly, to which he nodded his understanding.

_Ben…  Come home to me safely.  Both of you._

Rey felt Ben hesitate, and she pushed gently at his consciousness to understand why.

“She’s afraid I’ll make rash decisions and try to take out the Knights, rather than just escape,” he explained softly, his eyes yet closed to maintain the connection with Leia.

“Why would you do that?”

“Revenge.”

“Will you?”

Rather than speak the words aloud though, he shared with both her and Leia how he felt about the matter of revenge on the Knights.  He’d love to, and he hoped that at some point in the future he might have the opportunity to exact his vengeance for what they had done to Rey.  But he also knew that now was not the time, that escaping, healing, and surviving to fight another day were of greater importance.  His admission was met with such profound silence that Rey soon found herself checking to confirm Leia was still connected with them.  After another moment, she managed to respond, the depth of her emotions swirling around them both.

_Thank you, Son_.

And then it was Ben’s turn to be moved to silence, having thought he’d long ago lost his status as a son.  Rey opened her eyes to look at him, and saw a tear escaping the corner of his closed eye.  She gently eased it from his cheek before it could reach his open wound, and his eyes gently fluttered open.  He gazed deep into her eyes, and she caught her breath at the degree of gratitude and affection he saw there.  For her.

_See you soon, Mother_.

Rey felt Leia’s presence slip away from their connection, but Ben remained with her.  He gazed deep into her soul then pressed his lips to hers.  She accepted the kiss immediately, and was happy to go right along with him when he deepened the contact.  She hesitated a moment, conscious of his wounds and battered state,  but he leaned into her further, his actions and his emotions distinctly telling her that he didn’t care about physical discomfort just then.  What he needed was her.  And she was only too happy to comply.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're in the home stretch, friends! Only two chapters to go. But first...


	10. The Dark Side

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's not all sunshine and puppies, you know...

Rey laid back, staring toward the dark ceiling and cradling Ben’s head on her abdomen.  Her fingers trailed and tangled idly in his hair, and she felt his thumb languidly stroking her arm.  She felt peace, contentment, and, before too long, the incredible irony of that fact.  She knew now exactly where she belonged, and she had meant it with all her heart when she’d told him she loved him.  But it remained that she was a prisoner, as was he, and that their fates were not their own.  The longer she pondered this, the more her trepidation grew.

“What will happen now?” she asked timidly, feeling as though she were breaking an unspoken rule by invading the aftereffects of their discovery of each other by worrying about anything outside of this room.

Ben sighed softly but made no other indication of his intention to respond.  She could feel his reluctance to answer, as well as his efforts to gently shield her from his thoughts on the matter.

“Ben…?” she prodded gently.

“I’m fairly certain they intend to execute us,” he said quickly before taking a long, shaky breath.  “It will be a very large, very public affair.  And it will be broadcast across the whole of the empire.”

Rey felt the world go still around her, even the breath in her body and the beating of her heart.  Silently, she railed against the injustice of fate, that she should only find this bond, this connection in these circumstances, here at the end.  Then she took control of her errant emotions with a slow exhale.

“Why?” she wondered, then clarified her question.  “Why so public?”

“You are the last Jedi, and I'm the supreme traitor,” he said with a twist of irony in his choice of words.  “Hux and the Knights can’t afford for our punishment to be anything else, lest they lose control of every star system.  Their control depends on our death.”

Rey felt her breath shuddering within her chest and she held Ben’s head tighter against her.

“What do we do?”

Ben lifted his head then, half rising at her side to meet her gaze, his eyes conveying surprise and perhaps mild chastisement.

“We fight,” he answered her in assuring tones.  “Together.  Just like we fought Snoke.”

“We had weapons then,” she protested, “and—”

“We had each other,” he corrected, dismissing her fears with a gentle smile and a hand to her cheek.  “That’s all we need.”

She turned her face away, foolishly attempting to hide her tears from him.  “I think you’ve stepped a little too far toward the Light, Ben.”

“I can’t help it.  That’s where you led me.”

She looked him in the eye again, searching for his strength and willing it to seep into her.  Overcome by her emotions for him, she reached out to him with a kiss, drawing him toward her and losing herself in him, if only momentarily.

“I’ve only just found you,” she murmured, her voice breaking as tears escaped her eyes.  “I can’t lose you now.”

“You won’t,” he assured her, leaning close so that their noses touched.  “Believe in me, Rey.  Believe in  _us_.”

She nodded, wanting desperately to do exactly as he suggested, but she kept thinking about the Knights and their training in the Force, not to mention the thousands of armed stormtroopers and Imperial troops that would surely be at a public execution of the magnitude Ben described.

“Together, we can overcome anything, Rey.  Do you feel that?  The galaxy has never seen what you and I can accomplish together.”

“The galaxy doesn’t have you to lose if I fail.”

Ben smiled with a sympathetic expression and kissed her gently.

“That my Darkness talking,” he admonished her tenderly.

She scoffed.  “I suppose…”

“Don’t let it overwhelm you, Rey.”

She nodded, sniffling and wiping furiously at her nose, feeling perhaps she had a newfound appreciation for how irritating and degrading it must have been for Ben, everyone constantly advising him to deny the darker tendencies that came so naturally to him.  He’d needed someone to understand him, not to try and teach him how to be someone else.  And it was with this thought that she realized he was giving her just that, speaking from his own experience with the Darkness, knowing first hand the consequences should it become one’s focus and sole motivation.  And she nodded again, this time with more assertiveness, feeling the dread encasing her heart ease perhaps a small amount.

She looked up at him, opening her consciousness to him and telling him directly through her emotions just how much she felt for him.  She felt her heartbeat accelerate as she lost herself in his kiss, then the loud clang of the door and a flood of blinding light had her heart racing for an entirely different reason.  Rey looked up to find three of the Knights advancing on them, fast.  Both she and Ben scrambled to their feet, but she found herself immobilized before she managed it.  Ben turned and looked down at her, half risen on her knees, and immediately spun to knock back one of his former companions.  The other two restrained him, first with their manipulation of the Force then with a pair of shackles that Rey could only assume were designed to obstruct his access to the Force.

_I’m here, Rey_ , he told her through their bond.   _Keep me here.  Understand?_

She agreed silently, her gaze connecting with his to communicate her intention to keep their link open and active throughout whatever it was that was happening now.  He smiled almost imperceptibly, his warm gaze reassuring her as she continued to struggle against the hold the Knights maintained on her.  But then she was distracted by Sarniel’s arrival, who ignored Ben entirely and came straight for Rey.

“The Diaiman facility was abandoned,” he informed her, fury and disgust palpable in his voice and energy.  “So your usefulness to us is ended.”

With his last word, he took out his impotent aggression on Rey by kicking her in the ribs, knocking her backward, struggling for air and fighting unconsciousness.  She heard Ben shouting for her and renewing his struggles against their captors, but Sarniel only grinned in perverse delight.

“Bring him!” he called to his compatriots, leading them out of the room without a backward glance.

Rey watched in horror, still fighting to breathe, as all four Knights escorted Ben from the chamber and slammed the door fast behind them.  The moment they were gone, her body was released and she clambered to her feet, running for the door, screaming for Ben and pounding on its surface in desperation.

_It’s alright, Rey.  I’m still here_.

“Where?” she cried, her voice echoing in the cavernous space of the dark room.  “What’s happening?”

_I don’t know yet.  They’re leading me through the palace…_

Rey paused her shouting, the gasping sounds of her sobs punctuating the air as she waited to understand what was going on.  She focused on Ben’s calmness, willing it to leach into her psyche through their bond, desperate to borrow his equilibrium since she was simply too distraught to think straight.  But then, suddenly, his mood changed.

_Oh no._

“What?” she shouted, dread suddenly taking hold of her consciousness.

_I hear them_.

“What?  Hear who?”

_Thousands and thousands of them.  Oh gods, Rey!  It’s now!  They’re doing it now!_

Rey spun about in fright, only then finding Ben across the room behind her.  She watched as he fought against unseen assailants, throwing his shackled hands in one direction and kicking out in another, all the while spinning, ducking, and looping in evasive movements.  But then she watched as he fell to one knee and lifted his hands, clearly attempting to call upon the Force but to no avail.  Then she saw him take a hit in the side of his head and he fell.

“Ben!”

She rushed to him and watched in horror as his body lifted unnaturally, supported by unseen hands.  She knelt before him and he met her gaze, his eyes filled with sorrow and regret through the disorientation.

_I’m sorry, my angel.  I love you, Rey_.

And with a soft  _whoosh_ , he was gone.

“Ben?” she called, looking around.

Finding herself utterly alone, she called his name again, louder, as she searched for his presence in the Force, and with steadily increasing desperation as she continued to not find him.  And with a cry that echoed the shattering of her heart, she fell to her knees, realizing she had just witnessed his execution.  Despair washed over her, tears and cries wrung from her in wild abandon until a blinding rage the likes of which she had never before known overcame her.

Rising to her feet, her dark gaze focused on the door.  With power a thousand times greater than she’d ever wielded, she thrust her energy through one arm toward the door, driving it from its hinges in a spectacular explosion.  Consumed by her rage, she strode out of her prison, swatting aside the two stormtroopers who had been left to guard her.  Realizing they must have heard her wailing despair with apathetic ears, she lifted their unconscious bodies for good measure and crashed them together in a crushing blow.

She looked out into the wide hall, and quickly perceived the evanescent trail of Ben’s lingering presence.  Following it, she struck aside every imperial lackey who attempted to approach her, quickly finding the ability to do so with merely a flick of her head.  She walked, steadily and imperviously, soon hearing the cacophony of thousands of voices that Ben had mentioned.  Stormtroopers appeared, their blasters firing, to which she merely reversed the course of their bolts, driving them into the helmets of those who'd pulled the triggers releasing them.

The noise of the crowd grew steadily louder, until at last she rounded a corner and could see the assembled masses out beyond a wide, arching balcony.  And there, rushing toward her with weapons drawn, were two of Ben’s Knights.  By virtue of her distinctive helmet, Rey recognized Cerisse, the one who had tortured Ben with such childlike glee.  Seizing her with both hands through the Force, Rey lifted her into the air, crushing her body and reveling morbidly in the sounds of her agony.  When her companion had nearly reached Rey, she simply rent Cerisse's body in two and tossed her away, knocking the other Knight back into the marble wall with such force that the stone crumbled behind him.

Arriving at last at the balcony to shouts and screams both above and below, Rey looked to her right and found Ben’s body crumpled upon the floor, his black robes yet smoldering from the lightsaber strike that had parted his head from his shoulders.  Reaching out through the Force, she quickly located his lightsaber and called it to her hand.  Igniting it, she could feel it had been the instrument of execution, and she cried out in renewed rage.  The four Knights gathered at the far end of the balcony all turned as one, one calling out her name.

Two Knights charged her and she fought them off with Ben’s lightsaber, relishing in the sensation of barely contained power that its unstable crystal produced.  Each jarring strike of blade on blade, with its distinctive sound of clashing energy, fed her wrath until at last her body could no longer contain its power.  Throwing the lightsaber aside, she lifted her hands, feeling her energy crackling and zinging through her fingers and into her victims.  She heard them cry out in agony as her lightning seared them from the inside out, and she smiled, thinking of the pain they had caused both her and Ben.  She watched in singular euphoria as their bodies smoked and burned, tears streaming down her face even as she cackled viciously.

“No!  Rey!”

She heard neither the shout nor the hurried approach that presaged a body slamming into hers, knocking her to the marble floor and depriving her of her vengeance.  She screamed, redirecting her crackling lightning into the man who had tackled her, even as he shouted her name.  She felt a muffling sensation come down over her, dousing the energy at her fingertips and she cried out in blind fury, kicking and wailing against the man who dared to believe he could stop her.  But then she felt her face enveloped between two strong hands and an all too familiar voice shouted close.

“Rey!   _Stop_!”

“No, Ben!” she cried, knowing that if she stopped, if she allowed the rage to subside, then only pain would remain, and she just couldn’t bear that, not now or ever. 

With a renewed surge of desperation, she lifted both herself and her assailant into the air, but then she felt Ben’s lips against hers, kissing her with love, devotion, and his own sense of desperation.  With a cry of fresh rage, she shoved the offending body away from her, pressing him inexorably against the marble wall.

“No!” she wailed, overcome by grief as she stared at the Knight who’d dared to take on Ben’s visage.  “Ben’s dead!  I felt him die!”

“I’m not dead, Rey,” he insisted, his voice low and calm.  “It's not me.”

She glanced down toward the headless shape and shook her head.  No, they had deceived her once before and she couldn’t allow them to do it again.  She lifted her hand, crackling with wicked energy, toward the imposter in her grasp, determined not to be duped again, and he closed his eyes.

She felt Ben reaching out to her, drawing her inside him.  And she fought him, because Sarniel had already demonstrated that he could duplicate Ben’s essence.

_But he couldn’t show you this_ , Ben’s voice countered, and she found herself flying past the guarded restriction where Ben kept all his memories of her.  She saw all his assembled thoughts and emotions just as she’d seen them before, but now also images of them together, of how their profound love for one another had combined, enveloping them both to heighten the moment of their consummation.  And she opened her eyes, staring at the man before her who looked and felt like Ben,  _her_  Ben.  She reached out hesitantly to touch his cheek, and he immediately pressed her hand to his face, turning to place a kiss into her palm.  She whimpered his name, still afraid to believe, and he nodded.

“You’ve shown me a little too much of your Darkness, angel,” he murmured softly.  “I need you to come back to me now.”

She blinked furiously in confusion, then followed the guiding direction of his gaze.  There, to her left, lay two Knights of Ren, writhing and moaning on the marbled floor, their robes yet smoldering from the effects of the lightning energy she had forced into their bodies.  She turned to Ben in surprise, a startled  _oh_  escaping her throat.  But then she remembered her journey to the balcony and all the carnage she’d left in her wake.  When she recalled the sensation of ripping Cerisse in two, another exclamation shuddered through her body and both she and Ben suddenly dropped, her power having finally released them from a suspension she had forgotten she maintained.  Unable to support herself in the wake of her new revelations, Rey collapsed into Ben’s embrace and he held her tight, stroking her hair and whispering into her ear.

“I’m here, Rey.  All is well.”

But she shook her head, because it wasn’t.  Her eyes cast toward the two Knights and she noticed the expressions of abject terror they wore as they gazed upon her warily, and she broke.

“Oh gods, Ben!” she moaned.  “What did I do?”

“Your Dark Side claimed you,” he explained calmly, “but you’re back now.”

She stared at him, her eyes wide and frightened, but his gaze held her steady, offering her understanding and reassurance.  She had felt so powerful, invincible, and she could suddenly understand why the Jedi had always feared the Dark Side of the Force.  It was easy, alluring, intoxicating in its overwhelming power, and she now knew how hard it was to give up that strength once it had been attained.  But she also recognized that this magnitude of power warped morality, that the ability to decide life and death at the flick of a finger curtailed the contemplation of its rightness or wrongness.  Having experienced it, she knew with certainty that she would forever be tempted to return there in moments of great need, and would always have to guard against it.  And, suddenly, she could understand Ben, Luke, Vader, the Jedi, and the Sith all with so much more clarity.

“You brought me back.”

He nodded.

“I don’t think I could have on my own.”

He nodded again.  “I know how seductive that power is.  I wasn’t even sure  _I_ could reach you.”

“But you did,” she murmured, wonder tingeing her voice as she suddenly understood, “because you keep me in balance.”

“Just as you do me,” he agreed, holding her close and placing a tender, affectionate kiss on her forehead.

Rey curled down into Ben’s arms, closing her eyes in gratitude for his presence, his very existence.  But an instinct suddenly roused her and she jerked away from him, her arm flinging outward.

“No, Rey!” Ben shouted, pulling her arm back down, away from the black-robed figure who approached them.  “This is Neri.  She saved my life.”

Rey’s gaze flew away from Ben, back to the figure who stood before them both.  Swiftly, she removed her full-face helmet and dropped it unceremoniously at her side.

“Li’iria,” she corrected Ben, and she felt his acknowledgement that she had just shed her identity as a Knight of Ren.

Still confused, but sensing the urgency in Li’iria’s manner, Rey quickly rose to her feet with Ben.  Feeling her jerk back from her in alarm at the sudden movement, Rey reached out and pulled her into a brief hug, deliberately flooding her with a sense of gratitude through their mutual access to the Force and allowing her to sense some measure of what Ben meant to her.

“Thank you,” Rey whispered as Li’iria awkwardly patted her shoulder and extracted herself from the impulsive embrace.


	11. Finding Balance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As if avoiding both execution and being sucked into the Dark Side weren't enough, Rey and Ben still need to escape. Unfortunately, not everyone they're escaping to will be entirely happy to find out they now come as a package deal...

“We need to move,” Li’iria told them, and Rey followed her thoughts out toward the interior of the palace, where reinforcements were approaching swiftly.

Rey looked out beyond the balcony, where the mass of assembled First Order troops had erupted into chaos.Half the courtyard was empty by now, and she only now noticed that a constant barrage of blaster fire had been aimed up at them, unable to reach them from their depressed angle, since she’d arrived here.Selecting among the options open to them more swiftly than she, Ben quickly seized her hand and led her back the way she had entered, but Li’iria’s sudden intent drew Rey up short.

“No!” she shouted, turning back to stop Li’iria who had ignited her lightsaber and raised it, poised to deliver a killing stroke against her two former comrades.

Li’iria stared back at Rey in surprise.

“No one else dies today!” Rey insisted.

She felt Li’iria’s assessment of Rey’s naiveté on that score, but Rey stood resolute.

“They’ll hunt us down!” she objected, then Ben stepped forward and sent a wave out through the Force that thrust both men into unconsciousness.

“Not today, they won’t,” he said, taking up Rey’s hand again.“Let’s go.”

The three of them ran together into the interior of the palace, their instincts and intentions collaborating with one another through the Force, rending their flight silent and efficient.Each of them sent their energies out in different directions, sensing the approaching forces and informing the others of which paths were blocked.Having spent much of his childhood here, Ben knew the labyrinthine corridors through the palace, and he led them with confidence, constantly adjusting his course based on incoming information.Eventually, though, he had to concede there was no way forward without direct confrontation.

Feeling Li’iria’s frustration with Rey’s mandate against wanton murder, Ben sent out to both women his impression of the inevitability of just that given their circumstances.Gritting her teeth, Rey nodded, accepting that their survival depended upon lethal force and, to her surprise, she reached up to catch the lightsaber Li’iria tossed her way, sensing Ben’s likewise soaring over her head into his hand.Spacing themselves across the wide hall as they ran toward the oncoming stormtroopers, each of them ignited their weapons, blazing swords of red, topaz, and pale green light springing to life and immediately swooping and arching to catch and deflect the sudden barrage of blaster fire that came their way as a dozen men opened fire on them.Focus and clarity in battle that she had felt only once before when combating Snoke’s Praetorian guard came over Rey, the additional intrusion of Li’iria’s consciousness feeling a little discordant but ultimately beneficial.Within a matter of moments, every one of the stormtroopers had been cut down, knocked aside, or blasted with their own bolts, and the way forward was clear.

At last, they reached the main hall of the palace and Ben drew them up short before advancing out into the open.

“What’s the plan?” Li’iria asked, her eyes darting out around the corner to assess the mass of chaos and motion outside the open archways.

“We have to get out of the city,” Ben explained.“The _Falcon_ is at the base of the waterfall to the south.”

Rey turned toward him in surprise.“You can sense the ship?”

“Chewbacca,” he corrected, his face tense in an expression Rey understood.After all, he had murdered the Wookie’s lifelong friend the last time he’d seen him.She sent a brief touch of comfort out to him through their connection, reassuring him that they would work through all that together once they were safe.

“Are we going to fight our way there?” Li’iria asked, oblivious to the private moment her two companions had just shared.

Stepping forward with an idea, Rey closed her eyes and called upon the Force to settle an illusion over each of them.Opening her eyes, she found each of them clad as a stormtrooper, and she was surprised that the process had been so easy.Of course, she was only concerned with disguising their appearance, whereas Sarniel had expanded his efforts to his voice and his essence.

“Great,” Li’iria pointed out sarcastically, “we’ll be shot in the back for desertion.”

Without another word, the former Knight performed her own glamour, disguising each of them as citizens of Theed.Rey nodded, satisfied with both the effect and Li’iria’s correction of her faulty thinking.Emerging into the bright midday light of the Naboo sun, the three of them joined the chaos and noise of civilians and First Order troops running in all directions.Ben pulled her along by the hand to their left, guiding them to the south, but as they approached the waterfall he’d mentioned, Rey realized he intended for them to jump into it.

“Ben,” she gasped, the sustained exertion beginning to affect her breathing.“I don’t know how to swim.”

“I know, angel,” he answered.“I’ve got you.Ner—Uh…Li’iria?”

“I’m good to go.”

And with that, sooner than Rey expected, they did.Leaping from an overlook into the air hundreds of feet above the river that plunged to the base of one of the highest waterfalls in the galaxy, Rey felt fear leap up deep in her core.Ben pulled her toward him in their freefall, wrapping her in his arms with her back wedged firmly against his chest.She sensed both him and Li’iria directing their fall toward the deepest area of the waterfall’s pool, which was approaching them with blinding speed.Falling backward, Rey felt Ben encase them both in a protective bubble moments before they hit the water, which was nevertheless a jarring experience.Gasping at the jolt they all sustained in an impact that would have killed any other being instantly, Rey felt the water wash through the bubble and drench her instantly.An instant of panic registered in her mind until Ben’s soothing presence calmed her.He placed a hand over her face, maintaining a bubble of air over her mouth and nose as he wordlessly instructed her to relax.Feeling the strength of his legs as he kicked their way downriver and up to the surface of the water, Rey couldn’t resist the urge to place a light kiss against the flesh of his palm, smiling when she felt his smile in her mind.

They arrived without incident at the river’s edge, and Rey found slogging through the muddy riverbed and fighting to keep the current from sweeping her further downriver to be the most difficult part of their entire flight.Both Ben and Li’iria had an easier time of it than she and turned to help her out of the water.She had just become aware of Poe’s presence concealed in the nearby trees when the distinctive sound of a blaster bolt rang out, followed by a sharp grunt from Ben.

“No!” Rey cried out, pushing out with the Force to knock Poe back off his feet.

She felt his confusion but couldn’t take the time to address it because an instinct had her throwing herself in front of Ben.She closed her eyes as the blue blaster bolt sped toward her from a different direction entirely, grateful only that it would hit her rather than Ben, but it never did.Instead, she felt Ben’s arms encircle her as he pulled her down into the water at their feet, only then allowing the suspended bolt to complete its trajectory into the river far behind them.She heard the hiss of its energy as it met the water, but another instinct had her reaching out with the Force once again.

“Finn!Stop!”

“Get out of the way, Rey!” he shouted, gesturing with his blaster, his fierce expression making it absolutely clear he had every intention of killing Ben.

“No!” she insisted, her attention dragged momentarily to her right where Poe emerged from the trees, his weapon steadied on Li’iria, who merely stood erect with her hands spread out passively to her sides.“They’re with me,” she called out to them both, desperately.“They helped me escape.”

Poe’s jaw dropped in astonishment, but Finn only lifted his weapon higher, realigning his sight along its barrel.

“That’s Kylo Ren!” he shouted, as if Rey didn’t already know who it was she guarded with her own body.

Rey struggled with how to explain the situation when a splash sounded behind her, followed by a soft groan.Spinning around, she saw Ben had stumbled to the side, his hand supporting him in the muddy gunk beneath the water’s surface.She saw instantly that he was wounded worse than she’d thought, and did the one thing she could think of to convey the situation to Finn and Poe as efficiently as possible.She knelt down in the water, drew him into her arms, and kissed him deeply and passionately.He responded to her instantly, both ignoring his pain in deference to the pleasure of the intimate contact, and instantly understanding what she hoped to accomplish by the action.And it worked.Perhaps too well.

“Holy…” Rey heard Poe mutter as Finn erupted into violent cursing.

“I’ll explain later,” Rey insisted as she turned her attention to helping Ben up from the water.“Right now, we’ve got to get out of here.”

“What about her?” Poe asked, gesturing with his blaster toward Li’iria.

“She’s a traitor,” Finn sneered, looking her up and down with disgust.

“You’re one to criticize,” Ben commented as Rey supported him toward the shore.

Finn turned, his expression furious as he advanced on Ben, but Rey held him back, placing a firm palm against his chest and forbidding him to get any closer.

“You two can start your pissing contest later,” she said, but Finn shook his head.

“He’s not going anywhere with us.”

Rey nodded, accepting his ultimatum easily.“Then neither am I.”

Finn’s jaw dropped open and Poe bowed his head, backing away.

“Rey, you can’t be serious!”

“I am,” she assured Finn.“Very.”

She waited a moment longer to see if Finn would offer any more objections, then nudged Ben forward with her arm around him.The five of them made their way forward into and through the trees to where the _Falcon_ sat waiting on the far side.Rey felt Ben hesitate at the bottom of the gangplank and she silently assured him she was there for him.He nodded grimly, then boarded his father’s ship.

At the top of the gangplank, he turned right, but Finn stopped him, directing him the opposite way.

“He knows where he’s going, Finn,” Rey interjected on his behalf.

“Yeah?Well, _I_ don’t know where he’s going.”

“You don’t need to.”

Finn averted his gaze from Rey, clearly wounded by her words.She sighed, regretting that he was forcing her to be so callous with him.

“Please take Li’iria to the lounge, alright?And, Finn…?Be nice to her.She saved my life.”

Li’iria looked up in surprise and Rey nodded, explaining through the Force, _You saved my life by saving his._

The former Knight nodded and Rey made her way further into the ship with Ben, knowing they were both headed to the cockpit.There, as she expected, she found Chewie sitting in his co-pilot’s seat and waiting impatiently for the word to go.

“Hi, Chewie,” she said meekly as she made her way in.

As she expected, he had harsh words for her.

“I know,” she said, bowing her head.“You have every right to be angry with me.I thought it was for the best.”

“Hello, Chewbacca.”

Chewie lurched to his feet at the unexpected voice.Ben stood there, his hands hanging limp and docilely at his sides, but his head was held high.It didn’t take long for Chewie to find his voice, and when it did it was a terrifying roar.

“Chewie,” Rey interjected, placing a restraining hand on the Wookie’s arm, which he roughly and resolutely shook off.“Can we do this later?We need to get going.”

He roared his objection to Rey and she shook her head.

“No, he’s coming with us.Leia already knows,” she added when he raised another point of objection.“She knows he’s with me and she wants him to come back with me.”

Chewie hesitated, then muffled out an incredulous inquiry.

“Yes,” Rey confirmed, her eyes darting toward Ben self-consciously.“Yes, that’s exactly what I mean by _with_ me.”

Chewie stared at her a moment, then at Ben, then turned his back on both of them with a harsh growl and resumed his seat, focusing his efforts on preparing the ship for take off.Rey hesitated, glancing at Ben, who could offer no advice and told her as much through a shake of his head.

“Do you want me here to pilot with you, Chewie?”

 _Is he staying_?

Rey considered this, then answered in the affirmative, knowing she couldn’t leave him alone with Finn and Poe just yet.The Wookie answered with a gruff _no_ without ever removing his gaze from the viewport, so Rey nodded and left the cockpit with Ben.

They made their way down to the lounge, and Rey was all too aware of Ben’s dour mood.She held his hand firmly in hers, offering him whatever strength she could, a detail that she immediately saw was not lost on Finn when they rounded the last corner.Li’iria sat at the game table bench, watching with intent and curious eyes as Rey, Ben, Finn, and Poe confronted one another, tension, anger, hatred, and distrust thick between the four of them.She noticed that Poe was focused mainly on Ben, while Finn’s gaze centered on Rey.She wondered what exactly the history was between each of these individuals standing before her, but she was also grateful not to be any more involved in their drama than she was.After all, she knew she would have her own issues when they reached the Resistance, crimes and deeds she would have to answer for.She felt awkward and wished she had somewhere else she could be, but didn’t want to interrupt the confrontation that had only just begun to find out, so instead she simply remained silent.

Rey’s fingers convulsed, tightening her grip on Ben’s hand as she met Finn’s eyes and witnessed the deep betrayal she saw there as he met her gaze.Only now did it finally dawn on her just how difficult bringing Ben home to his mother was actually going to be.Both these men before her, friends she valued deeply, had been wronged grievously by the man who now held her hand.In aligning herself with him, she knew they felt she had aligned herself against them.And she couldn’t truly blame them.It still baffled her just how she had gone from attempting to kill Ben to being willing to kill _for_ him.She couldn’t imagine how baffling this change of circumstances must be for them, especially considering she had done everything in her power to hide it from them as it was developing.

Exhausted already when not a single word had even yet been spoken, Rey sighed and looked down at the floor.

“Poe?” she said gently, finally breaking the awkward silence.“Could you see if Chewie needs any help in the cockpit?”

Poe looked at her in surprise.“I thought you…?”

“He doesn’t want me there right now,” she admitted softly.

She saw the note of curiosity in his eyes as they shifted quickly between her and Ben.She also caught his brief deferral to Finn, silently asking and receiving his acceptance of his departure before nodding his agreement.Rey suppressed another sigh as she realized that Poe was worried he was leaving his friend in the presence of enemies…including her.

“Finn,” Rey began, drawing his attention away from Poe’s departing back, “I need to see to Ben’s wound.”

Finn blinked at her, his jaw clenching as he nodded reluctantly.“Yeah, sure.”He leaned in close to Ben.“I hope it hurts.”

Rey saw a flash of anger cross Ben’s eyes, but she also saw it ease quickly from his countenance.He allowed her to lead him over to the recessed bunk Rey had so recently claimed as her own without comment.As soon as he settled himself on the edge, Rey felt the ship lurching beneath her feet as they took off.Ben promptly reached out and anchored her against him as she lost her balance.Feeling her heartbeat accelerate in response to the unexpected contact, she looked up into Ben’s face, unable to keep the smile from tugging at her lips as she noted the light shining in his eyes.

 _Thank you_ , she whispered to him intimately through their Force bond.

_For what?_

_For giving me space to be me, with you_.

His brow pinched, not really understanding what she meant, but he also smiled.And Rey leaned in to give him a kiss, and immediately heard Finn’s protest behind her.

“Cut it out!”

She tried to pull away, but Ben languidly and deliberately grasped the back of her head and pulled her in for another sensuous, lingering kiss.

 _Stop_ , she chastised gently, even as she luxuriated in the intimate contact. _That’s not helping_.

 _It’s helping me_.

And as light as his tone was in her mind, she also recognized a deeper meaning.He needed the reassurance from her that this connection they shared, both through the Force and physically, was real, and she could prove that to him by her willingness to let her closest friend — who clearly didn’t approve — witness her affection.She accepted his logic, but also pushed resolutely away, deciding he had made his point and anything more simply amounted to rubbing salt in Finn’s wound.She felt him about to protest, but then an explosion interrupted, drawing everyone’s attention.

“Finn!” Poe’s voice came from the cockpit with high urgency.“Get to the turret!We’ve got incoming!”

Rey turned to run after Finn, but Ben stopped her, grabbing her hand and pulling her back to him.

“I need to help!” she shouted in protest.

“We are!”

He seized her face and brought her forehead against his, closing his eyes and drawing her into an intense unity of consciousness with him.She lost her balance as another explosion erupted and the _Falcon_ lurched to evade the TIE fighters she could hear screeching past.She wrapped her arms tight about Ben’s torso and wedged her hips between his knees, fighting for balance as she began to understand what he was trying to accomplish.A moment later, all commotion ceased and Rey was distantly aware of surprise and confusion, both from the pilots of the _Falcon_ and of the more distant TIE fighters.

“What happened?” Finn shouted from below in the gunner’s turret.“They stopped firing!”

“Jump to hyperspace, now!” Li’iria shouted, ignoring him.“They can’t hold this long!”

Chewie growled his response and, a moment later, Rey distantly experienced the moment of suspension that always heralded the hyperspace jump.Exhausted by their effort, her knees gave out beneath her as she released the effect she and Ben had created.Slipping to the deck half-conscious, Rey was aware of Ben collapsing beside her, his chest heaving as he fought for breath along with her.With surprising rapidity, Rey felt her strength return.Opening her eyes, she found Li’iria kneeling beside them, a hand placed on each of them, her eyes closed in concentration as she lent them both her energy to speed their recovery.Pushing herself up to sitting, she met Li’iria’s gaze in gratitude, to which she nodded her silent assent.

“Are you alright?” Rey asked Ben, concerned that he seemed not to be recovering under Li’iria’s assistance nearly as well as she was.

He grimaced, his eyes darting down toward his side briefly, and Rey promptly set about shifting and adjusting his layers of clothing so she could get to the wound that ailed him most.She was so intent on the task at hand that she hardly noticed when Finn, Poe, and Chewie all burst into the lounge.

“What the hell was that?” Poe asked.

Rey ignored his inquiry as she dug into the med supplies, looking for something to bind Ben’s wound and ease his myriad pains.

“They cloaked the ship,” Li’iria answered on her behalf, nodding down to the pair of them as she stood alongside them.

“Wouldn’t it be way too big for something like that?” Finn asked, skeptical.

“You don’t understand.They didn’t actually do anything to the ship.They manipulated every mind and sensor out there so that it couldn’t see, hear, or feel the ship’s presence, or ours.Every single one.”

The stunned silence endured for only a moment, but it was all encompassing.

“I didn’t know such a thing was possible,” Poe mused in apparent awe.

“It wasn’t,” Li’iria snapped, annoyed, “until _they_ did it.And you see what it took out of them, so quit gawking and help!”

Almost to her annoyance, Rey fell back as Chewie appeared at her side, scooping Ben up from the floor to lift him onto the bunk.She stood along with Chewie, reaching out to set her hand against Ben’s forehead when he grunted weakly in pain.Setting the bandages and chems she’d found in the med supplies at his side, she picked up an injector and whipped the cap off, only to find it jerked out of her grasp.

“That’ll do more harm than good,” Finn told her.“Let me.”

Rey knew the former stormtrooper had received some emergency med training, but she couldn’t help her hesitation, wondering if she could trust him with Ben’s wellbeing.

“Come on, Rey,” he muttered sincerely, noting her hesitation.“Let me help him.”

Deferring the decision to Ben, she looked down at him.His countenance was clouded in weakness and pain, but he met her gaze and nodded briefly before shifting his attention to Finn.Rey allowed Li’iria to lead her away to the game table and its bench, grateful for the opportunity to sit since she was still feeling quite weak herself.

“That was…amazing,” Li’iria told her, “what you did.Why didn’t you let me help?”

“I didn’t know what he had in mind,” she confessed, “until after we were doing it.”

“That could have killed you both.”

Rey stared at her.There was still so much she didn’t understand about this whole Force thing, what was possible, what was too risky.But she had to think Ben knew what he was doing, didn’t he?She shook the thought away from her head.

“I hope we don’t need to do that again anytime soon,” she muttered, glancing sharply over to Ben as a stifled cry ground out past his clenched teeth.

 _I’m alright_ , Ben promptly told her. _He’s doing the best he can._

“I’m doing the best I can!” Finn called over his shoulder to Rey.

“I know, Finn,” she assured him promptly.

“What the hell happened to him anyway?He’s a mess!”

“He was beaten and tortured because he was going to leave the First Order with me.”

Finn turned to look at her, his expression conveying both surprise and hurt.“You were just going to disappear?No goodbye?No nothing?”

“I’m sorry,” she murmured in genuine regret.

Though she still believed it was the best choice at the time, she’d never been entirely comfortable with what it meant for her closest friend.Rey watched Finn clench his jaw and, perhaps for the first time since she’d met him, chose to keep his thoughts to himself.

Rey set her forehead down on the table, still feeling so tired from the day’s events, and Li’iria placed a comforting hand against her shoulder.Impatient to return to Ben’s side, she couldn’t stop tapping her foot softly against the decking, and quickly leaped up the moment Finn indicated he was done.Ben’s eyes were closed, and Rey felt a momentary plummeting in her stomach, but he promptly opened his eyes and offered her a reassuring smile.She grasped his hand.

“I love you, Rey,” he murmured as his eyes slipped shut.

“I love you, Ben,” she responded, lifting his hand to her lips.

Clearing his throat uncomfortably, Finn turned away, only to come right back, offering Rey a crate to sit on so she could remain at Ben’s side while he slept.Smiling her gratitude up at him, Rey settled herself there, watching Ben closely as his breathing eased into the evenness of slumber.

“Rey…?”

Rey lifted her head, the crick in her neck and a general disorientation alerting her to the fact she had fallen asleep.After confirming that Ben still slept, she brushed her lips gently over his knuckles, then stretched and arched her back.

“Shouldn’t you get some rest yourself?”

She looked up at Finn, who stood by Ben’s feet, looking distinctly uncomfortable.She shook her head, knowing she had no intention of going anywhere without Ben.Finn nodded and looked away, clearing his throat, as she tenderly hooked a curl of his hair away from Ben’s eye.

“Rey, how—”

“Go ahead, Finn,” she encouraged him.

“How did… _this_ happen all of a sudden?”

Rey felt one corner of her mouth quirk up into a smile of sorts as Finn waved his hand vaguely between her and Ben.

“It didn’t.Not all of a sudden, anyway.”

Finn narrowed his eyes and folded his arms, clearly dissatisfied with her response.

“Finn, please sit down.You’re making me nervous.”

He considered her a moment longer, then simply plopped himself down on the deck rather than drag over another crate.

“Ben and I are bonded in the Force,” she told him, completely unsurprised when Finn’s face pinched in disapproval.“I know that doesn’t mean much to you, but it’s not something either he or I did.It just…happened.”

“And you’re just fine with that,” he hissed.

“Not at first, but I’ve accepted it now, yes.I understand him, Finn, in a way no one else ever could.He’s been so alone, and he was used, manipulated by the Dark Side.”

“That doesn’t make him innocent.”

“No,” she agreed, “it doesn’t.And he knows that.But I can’t condemn him like everyone else can.”

“He tortured Poe.He almost killed me.He _did_ kill Han.”

“And a lot more people, too.I know.”

“How can you just forget all that?”

“I can’t,” she stated flatly, surprising him.“I don’t forget.But I do forgive.And I can help make certain he doesn’t fall into old habits again.”

“You mean, you’re going to be his muzzle from now on?”

She cocked her head, considering the analogy for a moment, then nodded.“Yes.And he’s mine.”

Finn frowned.“You don’t need one.You’re not like him.”

“But I am, Finn.I am very much like him.”

Before he could protest again, Rey reached out and grasped Finn’s hand.Uncertain if this could work for someone with no access to the Force, she nevertheless attempted to show him what she had done in the palace at Theed.When his eyes widened in amazement and, soon enough, horror, she knew it had worked.

“You…did that?”

She nodded, not proud of herself.“And Ben was the only one who could draw me out of that darkness.Finn, I think the old Jedi order had it all wrong.They thought they had to completely repress, deny every emotion that can potentially tap into the Dark Side, while the Sith embraced its power to the exclusion of the Light.But absolutes like that don’t do anyone any good, and that’s why the prophecy of balance came about, but they didn’t understand.Both the Jedi and the Sith thought the prophecy spoke of a balance of power between Dark and Light sides of the Force, so they each committed themselves to building their own forces and tearing down the other’s.They believed the balance was in the totality of each side’s strength.”

“And…it’s not?”

“No.The balance needs to exist within each user of the Force.We can’t afford to deny the Dark to the exclusion of the Light, or vice versa.That denies who each of us is as individual beings.It is rigid and unnatural and leads to centuries of conflict between the Light and the Dark.History has already shown us that.We need a better way.”

“And you think you and… _him_ found it?”

Rey nodded, unable to keep the smile from her face.“Yes, Finn.We have.The balance is inside each of us.We are both Light _and_ Dark.For me, the Light naturally outweighs the Dark, but it can still overwhelm me.Like it did today.For Ben, there’s more Dark and it’s easier for that to happen to him.”

“Are you saying this whole time, everything he’s done, is just because he’s been out of balance?”

“There’s more to it than that but, essentially, yes.”

“And now?”

“ _She_ balances me.”

Finn jerked in surprise and Rey smiled, squeezing Ben’s hand at his interjection into their conversation.He returned her smile, and she could see considerably more strength and awareness in his eyes than they’d displayed before.Finn folded his arms and leaned back away from them, clearly uncomfortable with the idea of continuing their conversation if Ben was participating now.

“You’re worried this means that she’s stuck with me forever.That, even if she decides she’s had enough of me, then she can’t leave without risking me going out of balance and killing everyone all over again.”

Finn narrowed his eyes suspiciously.“Are you stealing my thoughts?”

“You’d know if he was.”

Rey turned in surprise at Poe’s interjection, shocked to realize she hadn’t paid any attention to the fact that everyone stood there behind her.Poe, Chewie, and Li’iria all watched the three of them intently, making it clear everyone had heard her explanation.

“No,” Ben answered Finn’s question.“Those are my thoughts, things I’ve already worried about.”

Rey turned in surprise once again.

 _You know I would never_ —

 _Until today, you thought you would never_ …

Ben’s voice trailed off in her mind, replaced by the horrible image of her tearing Cerisse Ren in half.She bowed her head, ashamed, and felt Ben’s apology for the reminder.

_You never know what you’re capable of until you’re forced to find out._

She nodded, conceding his point.

“We can’t hear that, you know…”

Rey looked up, a sheepish apology in her eyes as she acceded Finn’s point.

“I can’t see the future,” Ben told him.“No one can.I can’t promise that the balance I feel now will never change.What I can tell you is that I love Rey.Making her happy is my primary concern.”

Rey stared at him, her eyes filling with tears of affection as the silence lengthened.Ben met her gaze squarely, and she knew the moment he became uncomfortable with the prolonged silence because a flash of mischief crossed his eyes.

“And I think killing any of you would make her pretty damn angry.”

She laughed and promptly gained her feet to lean over him, kissing him.His arms came up around her and she smiled against him, silently pressing the sense of her happiness and affection into him through their bond.Someone — Finn or Poe, she wasn’t sure which — moaned, “Alright, we get it, cut it out.”Li’iria giggled as Chewie stomped his way out of the lounge, grumbling and muttering in his Wookie language.By the time Rey managed to extricate herself from Ben’s embrace, they were quite alone in the lounge, about which they shared a soft laugh.

“Are you feeling better?” she asked, helping him to sit up.

“Yes.Much.I don’t know what Finn did, but he did it well.”

And Rey felt his anxiety leap impossibly high in the next instant, when a distinctive jolt in the ship’s motion indicated they had emerged from hyperspace.She looked to him, her gaze filled with concern.

“I’m with you, whatever happens.”

He nodded his gratitude, pressing one more kiss against her forehead before he swung his feet down from the bunk.Rey helped him to replace his tattered clothing as well as she could so that, by the time the _Falcon_ had completed its approach, they were ready to face whatever awaited them beyond the confines of the Corellian freighter.The crew of six gathered at the ramp.Chewie and Poe exited first, followed by Finn and Li’iria.When it was their turn, Ben took a deep breath, at which Rey squeezed his hand.

Without his distinctive helmet, Rey had consoled herself that perhaps many in what remained of the Resistance wouldn’t even recognize Ben as the formidable Kylo Ren.But the absolute silence of the assembled throng convinced her she had been completely naive in that hope.Her heart felt heavy in her chest and her throat was as dry as it ever had been on Jakku, but she held Ben’s hand tight in hers and descended the gangplank with him, side by side.Her eyes darted about tirelessly, searching out any threat that may be aimed against him, but every individual was utterly still and silent, all eyes fixed on him.At the bottom of the ramp, they came to an awkward halt, neither of them knowing where they should go or what they should do.

Then, perhaps just as they had both sensed they were waiting for, a solitary figure detached from the crowd and came forward slowly.Rey felt Ben’s breath hitch in his throat as he looked upon his mother for the first time in well over half his life.She sensed his deep remorse for everything he had done since abandoning her at the age of twelve, above all the murder of his father, her lifelong love.His eyes filled with tears and his body trembled until at last he collapsed to his knees, bowing and weeping at his mother’s feet, silently and hopelessly begging her forgiveness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I can't tell you how much I appreciate all the reads, comments, and kudos on my first venture into putting my writing out there for general consumption. Your support and enthusiasm has been so tremendous!
> 
> Rey and Ben/Kylo have provided so much fodder for my imagination, however, that a wholly separate Reylo story has already wormed its way into my head. It's called "Conflicted." I hope you'll check it out and tell me what you think. In the meantime...
> 
> May the Force be with you!
> 
> -KC


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